Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

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Department of Motor Vehicles Launches “Soul Renewal” Line

8 months philmaggitti
A baby curiously touching a man's face while he lies on grass.
The DMV’s Soul Renewal division, where metaphysical essence meets eternal wait times.

The Department of Motor Vehicles Now Serving Number: 7,388,201,042,001

Operation Ontological Compliance

In a sweeping expansion of its metaphysical mandate, the Department of Motor Vehicles now requires all sentient beings to renew their souls every seven years. The program–officially titled the “Department of Motor Vehicles Operation Ontological Compliance”–aims to curb existential fraud, streamline reincarnation logistics, and ensure astral travel remains DMV-certified. Applicants must present proof of prior existence, a notarized karmic ledger, and three forms of spiritual ID (one must shimmer). Those lacking documentation may apply for a provisional soul, valid for one lunar cycle and prone to spontaneous combustion.

The Department of Motor Vehicles Line That Transcends Time

Wait times currently exceed three thousand  lifetimes. Some applicants report evolving into entirely new species while queued. In response, the Department of Motor Vehicles has installed vending machines offering temporary identities, snacks made of pure longing, and pamphlets titled So You’ve Died in Line: What Now?

Critics argue the program is redundant, citing the inefficiency of assigning bureaucracy to the ineffable. “My soul was already expired when I got here,” said one applicant, now a sentient cloud. “They told me I needed a birth certificate from the void.”

Despite backlash, the DMV remains resolute. “We believe in the sanctity of paperwork,” said Director of Ethereal Affairs, Glenda-47. “A soul without a barcode is a liability.”

Next year, the department will launch “Mood Registration,” requiring citizens to declare their emotional state in triplicate before entering public spaces. Noncompliance may result in fines, forced introspection, or reassignment to the Department of Unresolved Feelings.

As the line stretches into eternity, one truth emerges: the DMV no longer governs vehicles. It governs the traffic of being.

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The preceding is satire. Straight up, Skippy. No warranties are expressed or implied. For life advice, try a professional. For investment tips, try a dart board. For salvation, the gentleman in the robe has been handling that portfolio for 2,000 years.