The 911 Calls Hall of Fame

The 911 Calls Hall of Fame  honors reported emergencies that are not true emergencies, but are treated as such—or worse. Each entry has been preserved for its contribution to the ongoing study of human judgment under mild inconvenience. Induction is not an honor. It is a finding.

1. The Suspicious Moon
   A caller reported a glowing object hovering above the treeline and pursuing her vehicle with “hostile intent.” The object matched her speed for eleven miles. The dispatcher identified the object as the Moon. The Moon was cleared of all charges.
   
2. The Vending Machine Hostage Crisis
   A caller demanded immediate police intervention because a sandwich was trapped behind the glass of a vending machine. The dispatcher recommended shaking the machine gently. The caller reported that this approach worked, then asked if he could file a complaint about the price.
   
3. The Intruder Who Was a Coat
   A caller whispered that a figure was crouching in the corner of her bedroom, motionless, watching her sleep. The figure was a coat draped over a chair. The caller acknowledged, upon reflection, that the coat had always been there. She was asked if she wanted to speak with someone. She said no. The coat was released without charges.
   
4. The Suspiciously Quiet Neighbor
   A caller reported that her neighbor had not made any noise for several hours and was, she said, “definitely up to something.” The dispatcher suggested the neighbor might be asleep. The caller said that was exactly the kind of thing someone would say if they were also in on it. The neighbor, reached later by phone, confirmed he had been asleep. He asked not to be named. He has since moved.
   
5. The Missing Remote Control
   A caller reported a burglary. His television remote had been present when he fell asleep and was gone when he woke up. He suspected his neighbor. The dispatcher advised checking the couch cushions. The remote was there. The caller did not call back to confirm this, but the dispatcher noted it in the log anyway, as a matter of professional closure. The neighbor’s record remains clean. The neighbor does not know any of this happened.

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