philmaggitti – Page 26 – postcards from the pug bus

Imagine John Lennon

philmaggitti 458 Views 0 min read

Imagine there’s no Heaven; it’s easy if you try; no hell below us; above us only sky. Imagine all the people living for today. Imagine there’s no countries; it isn’t hard to do; nothing to kill or die for and no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say that Read More

News

Poisoned Russian Spy Litvinenko Had Keith Richards Symptoms

philmaggitti 413 Views 2 min read

LONDON – When former Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko died of radioactive poisoning two weeks ago, his face was a moonscape of festering boils, his eyes glowed in the dark like a cat’s, and his urine sent up clouds of hissing, odiferous steam when it hit the bowl. At first British medical authorities mistook these symptoms Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Could Lose Custody Fight

philmaggitti 420 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears may soon have the Los Angeles Department of Animal Welfare (DAW) up her recently covered butt. Sources tell our sister publication, Them Weekly, that a case worker from DAW has been trying to contact Ms. Spears since she told her husband Kevin Federline to piss off a month ago. “The Read More

Celebrities

Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn Star in Break-Up 3

philmaggitti 421 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, who would not exist if we hadn’t needed to make them up, have announced to a largely indifferent world the end of their romantic involvement—for the third damn time. At this point like who gives a shit? What free-thinking, self-respecting person cares whether this undynamic duo Read More

Music

Trey Anastasio Booted from Phish After Drug Bust

philmaggitti 415 Views 4 min read

BURLINGTON, Vt. – Trey Anastasio, guitarist and founding member of the acclaimed jam band Phish, has been asked to leave the group following his arrest for driving under the influence of drugs, possessing drugs, and driving with a suspended license. Mr. Anastasio, 42, came to grief on Friday when he could not keep his vehicle Read More

Culture

The Pug Bus Rips George Clooney, Danny DeVito, Rosie O’Donnell

philmaggitti 408 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – George Clooney’s been on the morning squawk shows of late bragging in his insufferably smug-yet-wooden way about how he drank that poor, misshapen troll Danny DeVito under the table last week in New York’s venerable Italian restaurant Scalinatella. That’s some feat, Boy George. You da man! DeVito’s all of four-foot-ten in his Read More

Music

Britney Spears Releases Twelve Days of Christmas CD

philmaggitti 409 Views 4 min read

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears and K-tel Entertainment announced today that Ms. Spears’ Twelve Days of Christmas CD is now available in most national discount store chains. This pop-disco-devotional work, which will not be sold via television, explores the hidden meanings of the haunting Twelve Days of Christmas carol. “We wanted to do something meaningful and danceable at the Read More

Celebrities

Bono Cancels Clothing Line for the Fashion Impaired

philmaggitti 451 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – U2’s lead singer, Bono, perennially one of the worst-dressed white men in the world, has announced the cancellation of the clothing line for the fashion impaired that he and his wife founded last year. Called Edun, the moderately priced clothes were designed especially for people who look as if they were dressed Read More

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Book, TV Special, Calendar, Video Game Canceled

philmaggitti 446 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – File the O.J. Simpson calendar and video game under the same heading as the O.J. Simpson book and television appearance: not yet ready for prime time and most likely never will be. The scheduled release of the Simpson calendar and video game on Black Friday this week was abruptly canceled last night, Read More

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Says Cancellation Was Prompted by Racism

philmaggitti 439 Views 2 min read

ORLANDO, Fla. – O.J. Simpson reacted angrily yesterday when he learned that News Corporation had decided not to broadcast two, one-hour interviews with him or to publish the how-to book he had written about the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. Hurling his golf club in disgust, the one-time Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Divorce Coverage Angers FedEx Corporation

philmaggitti 443 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Lawyers representing the FedEx corporation announced yesterday that they are considering legal action against any member of the press who continues to use the term FedEx in reference to Britney Spears’ estranged husband, dancer-turned-rapper Kevin Federline. “My company believes it has a strong cease-and-desist case against persons who refer to Mr. Federline as FedEx,” said Read More

Celebrities

Kirstie Alley Covers Her Butt on Oprah Show

philmaggitti 416 Views 2 min read

CHICAGO – Kirstie Ally appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show in a modified bikini yesterday to favor the world with a peek at her new body. Unfortunately, twenty or so pounds of Ms. Alley’s old body were along for the perp walk. The fifty-five-year-old former actress lumbered self-consciously on stage to the tune of the Commodores’ “Brick Read More

Celebrities

Delaware Still Reeling over Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillippe Split

philmaggitti 428 Views 3 min read

WILMINGTON, Del. – News of the Reese Witherspoon-Ryan Phillippe breakup has sent tremors through the state of Delaware, “The Home of Tax-Free Shopping” and the birthplace of Mr. Phillippe. Throughout the First State—from Rehoboth Beach in the south, where gay congressmen and their pages frolic in the summer ocean, to Wilmington, 110 miles to the Read More

Music

NBC Was Right to Refuse Dixie Chicks Ad, Says Anne Coulter

philmaggitti 439 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – (Editor’s note: Today’s guest columnist is Anne Coulter, best-selling author and social commentator, who has earned an enviable following for her wry observations and the gentle, good-natured way in which she exposes the foibles and pomposities of our world. What’s more, guys, she is easily the hottest best-selling female writer this side Read More

Music

Rush Limbaugh Accuses Dixie Chicks of Lip Synching

philmaggitti 438 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Conservative talk show diva Rush Limbaugh has accused the Dixie Chicks of lip synching “every damn one of their stupid songs” on their Accidents and Accusations tour, which continues at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre tonight. Mr. Limbaugh leveled this charge Friday on his nationally syndicated talk show, just three days after he Read More