philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

A man in ornate robes laughs uncontrollably, embodying The Day of Laughing Until You Cry—a canonical entry in the Perfect-day-Taxonomy.

Fourteen?!? Only 14? You kidding me?

The Fourteen Flawless Days of the Caliph: A Perfect-day-Taxonomy

In the twilight of his reign, 912 to 961 CE, Abd al-Rahman III Caliph of CÃ³rdoba, master of palaces, gardens, harems, and armies–sat beneath the… Read More

Four new Crocs styles arranged against a beige background — a red cosmic platform pair, black LED-lit clogs, gray fuzzy Crocs, and green holographic Croc boots glowing faintly — showcasing the absurd extremes of new Crocs styles.

Looking for a shark to jump.

Culture

New Crocs Styles Have Exhausted Every Option Known to Man

philmaggitti cultural commentary 1 year

If you thought Crocs had already pushed the boundaries of weird footwear, get ready to weep. It is official: New Crocs Styles have exhausted every… Read More

A humorous illustration showing a frustrated man trying to assemble a collapsed chair while holding a confusing manual. The scene includes a disgruntled cartoon instruction manual and a cheerful garden gnome. Above them, a banner reads “READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FIRST,” highlighting the chaos that ensues when the advice is ignored.

Emotional bracket my foot…

Book of Daze

Book of Daze: Read the Instructions First Day

philmaggitti bookof-daze 1 year

Read the Instructions First was written by an unemployed Sentient Blender with a Dual Ph.D. in Astrophysics and Italian Literature, and Self-Confidence Issues. The Read… Read More

Relax—time is refunding your bad decisions.

Horoscopes

Backward Horoscopes We Didn’t See Coming

philmaggitti horoscopes 1 year

Fellow babies: buckle up for the collapse of linear time and all that it implies. There go the Backward Horoscopes We Didn’t See Coming. Catch… Read More

Illustration titled 'Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should’ve Stayed in the Practice Room' featuring a cartoon guitarist strumming a red electric guitar and pointing to a colorful ranking chart of ten Phish songs.

Ten of Phish’s most questionable tunes, because even legends have off days.

Music Top Ten Lists

🎸Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should Have Stayed in the Practice Room

philmaggitti music, top ten lists 1 year

Ah, the Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should’ve Stayed in the Practice Room, tunes that even the most devoted wooks pretend don’t exist. Let’s dive… Read More

On Take Your Emotional Support Houseplant to Work Day a weary office worker pushes a tall leafy ficus strapped into a yellow rolling desk chair with a seatbelt and visitor badge, while surprised coworkers peek over cubicle walls beneath harsh fluorescent lights.

Do not talk to me until I have had my photosynthesis.

Book of Daze

Book of Daze: Take Your Emotional Support Houseplant to Work

philmaggitti bookof-daze 1 year

Human beings are not the only ones who suffer in silence at the office. On take your emotional supporth houseplant to work, we honor the… Read More

Offbeat horoscopes ride a neon zodiac carousel.

Horoscopes

Offbeat Horoscopes That Refuse to Behave

philmaggitti horoscopes 1 year

Offbeat horoscopes for seekers who do not need cosmic hugs or fortune-cookie wisdom. Fresh, sly, and occasionally useful, like gossip from the stars that almost… Read More

Stuck in an elevator with his eight-year-old conscience: a weary man in a wrinkled suit clutching coffee and a leaking briefcase faces his younger self holding a rubber dinosaur beside half-open doors revealing cosmic filing cabinets labeled ‘Unfulfilled Dreams.

Blog

Stuck in an Elevator with My Eight-year-old Self

philmaggitti blog 1 year

There are elevators that simply malfunction, and there are elevators that malfunction in ways that make you question every decision you have ever made. When… Read More