philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

A cheerful parade to remember 1969 set against a bright white background with pastel confetti falling. A silvery Apollo lunar-module float rolls by, flanked by fringe-vested marchers tossing lavender love beads. A Mets-cap marching band in faded denim carries a banner with a heart, peace sign, and baseball symbol. Nearby, a creamy fondue pot on a pedestal wears a golden tiara. Children on the curb wave tiny shag-carpet swatches in celebration of the groovy year.

"All you need is love ..."

Book of Daze: Remember 1969 Day

Let us raise a chipped jelly-jar glass and remember 1969, that lawless commune of twelve months when mankind went to the Moon, but most of… Read More

Now pick a card, darling—your fate’s about to get fabulous and mildly cursed."

Horoscopes

Her Majesty’s Satanic Horoscopes™

philmaggitti horoscopes 1 year

Welcome, doomed disciples of the astral abyss. Her Majesty has consulted the infernal tea leaves, cross-referenced them with yak entrails, and summoned a fresh heap… Read More

A surreal voice for Alexa from the “Top Ten New Alexa Voices” editorial series. “The Cryptid Concierge,” a Sasquatch-like creature with shaggy golden-brown fur, seated at a vintage radio console deep in a misty forest. Wearing headphones and glasses, the cryptid speaks into a retro microphone.

Did I calibrate the foghorn correctly … or did I just summon the elk council again?"

Top Ten Lists

Ten New Alexa Voices

philmaggitti top ten lists 1 year

Let’s crack open the cosmic voice vault and summon ten New Alexa Voices, each one a mythic upgrade from the current sterile defaults. These are… Read More

A would-be guru in a sagging bathrobe perches wobbling on an upside-down laundry basket, hands frozen in a remote-control mudra while a barbecue rib smolders as incense—an unholy tableau of meditation secrets gone wrong.

"Inner peace, outer wobble … and now I smell like brisket."

News

Meditation Secrets the Gurus Do Not Want You to Know

philmaggitti news 1 year

You will need three things: a bathrobe with no belt, year-old flip-flops, and the remains of last weekend’s barbecue ribs. Those are all the meditation… Read More

“Oh no, not I, I will survive. Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.”

Horoscopes

Free Horoscopes to Good Homes

philmaggitti horoscopes 1 year

Welcome, seeker of free horoscopes and questionable life advice. The stars are drunk, the toaster is clapping, and your destiny just tripped over a houseplant.… Read More

A cartoon car circles an impossible cloverleaf highway for National Take the Wrong Turn Day, with the driver gripping the wheel and the passenger holding an upside-down map as a man at a gas station points in three directions at once.

Lost but defiant, he insists this loop is definitely the shortcut.

Book of Daze

Book of Daze: Take the Wrong Turn Day

philmaggitti bookof-daze, top ten lists 1 year

For centuries, we humans have been rushing to take the wrong turn, driven by the hubris that we know a better way–over mountains, through deserts,… Read More

Our homemade horoscopes are straight from the oven of destiny.

Horoscopes

Homemade Horoscopes to Keep You in Stitches

philmaggitti horoscopes 1 year

It is a grim business being a mortal today. The stars are not aligned; they have gone on strike. I begged them for cosmic guidance,… Read More

Satirical image of Amazon Prime Afterlife™ onboarding, with Alectra offering reincarnation bundles and a sign for karmic returns. A visual parody of subscription metaphysics.

Welcome to Amazon Prime Afterlife™

News

Amazon Prime Afterlife™: Subscription Metaphysics

philmaggitti news, subscription metaphysics 1 year

It is no longer Archie to die with an ironclad will, a curated celebration-of-life playlist, and a tasteful urn. The forward-looking pilgrim now prepares for… Read More