The connoisseur of bargain bin vintages must steel himself for a journey into the underbelly of viniculture, where price tags whisper of austerity and flavors scream of catastrophe. To sip bargain wines priced at $4.99 or less is to embrace a parody of refinement, a carnival of aromas that no… Read More
Why buy a bird when the universe is handing them out to anyone unhinged enough to ask? From séance turkeys to quantum buffets, here are ten gloriously deranged paths to your free Thanksgiving turkey. 1. The Séance StrategySummon the ghost of last year’s turkey. Demand restitution. Most spectral turkeys are… Read More
Following the Great Pickle Uprising and the fall of the Mayonnaise Empire, humanity has clung to one guiding principle: take it with a grain of salt. This maxim, once used to temper dubious claims, now serves as the cornerstone of all interdimensional diplomacy, snack-based theology, and interpretive dance critiques. Below… Read More
The Ten Worst Pick-Up Lines in History Artificial intelligence may write passable sonnets and select your socks, but humanity still insists on approaching other humans with lines that feel forged in a lava lamp. Behold a museum of conversational malpractice. This field guide ranks the ten worst pick-up lines in… Read More
“We will, we will, rock you.” In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was Score. And lo, people by the tens of thousands gathered in colesiums to witness miracles in polyester and to pray to the patron saints of sports fans. For sport, after all, is a religion… Read More
Step right up, star seekers and skeptics alike! You have tried the rest, now try the blessed—because Real Horoscopes You Can Trust™ are here to scrub your cosmic grime, polish your planetary prospects, and leave your destiny streak free! That is right, guv’nor, these are not your run of the… Read More
The Grammar Prick convenes the firing squad for crimes against language. Justice prepares to proofread.
Clichés are the herpes of human speech—once contracted, they flare up whenever people try to sound thoughtful. You hear them at brunches, board meetings, and funerals, wedding speeches, dinner parties, after parties, wherever two or more of you are gathered together. They dribble from the mouths of the well-schooled and… Read More
Disclaimer: No Car-Chasing Dog Breeds, top ten or otherwise, should ever be allowed to chase cars. It is dangerous, chaotic, and deeply embarrassing when they catch one and do not know what to do next. Instead, channel that cosmic energy into agility courses, frisbee rituals, or interpretive dance. 🚗🐕 Top… Read More
Ah, the Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should’ve Stayed in the Practice Room, tunes that even the most devoted wooks pretend don’t exist. Let’s dive into the murky depths of the jam swamp and dredge up ten sonic misfires that make even glowstickers pause mid-flail. If listicles are your bag,… Read More
Let’s crack open the cosmic voice vault and summon ten New Alexa Voices, each one a mythic upgrade from the current sterile defaults. These are not just voices; they are editorial archetypes, sonic rituals, and satirical avatars ready to inhabit your smart speaker. If listicles are your bag, visit our… Read More
For centuries, we humans have been rushing to take the wrong turn, driven by the hubris that we know a better way—over mountains, through deserts, and around the next left that clearly should have been a right. Take the wrong turn day celebrates this proud refusal to follow directions, the… Read More
Choose your handshake like you would your weapon: carefully, and preferably after washing your hands.
There was a time when a handshake was a simple affirmation: I greet you, I will not stab you with the other hand. Now with the codification of handshake etiquette, the handshake has evolved into a Rorschach test of power, anxiety, and unmet childhood needs. You should master these ten… Read More
Join the annual ritual of resistance with Book of Daze: Boycott ESPN Day—a satirical celebration for fans who have had enough of sermons, scandals, race baiters, virtue-signalling fools, and HR drama. This is your well-deserved holy day to boycott those clowns and rediscover sports without the scold and without the… Read More
Harry Styles thought he was clever slipping into the Berlin Marathon as “Sted Sarandos.” But he is just the latest in a long, ignoble tradition of famous people moonlighting at sporting events under pseudonyms. From the mildly embarrassing to the cosmically deranged, here are ten of the best (or worst)… Read More
America has always been a nation of moods—angry moods, hungry moods, “why does my neighbor mow at 6 a.m.?” moods. But the mood we desperately need is the subjunctive mood, that slippery grammatical unicorn that lets us dream of things as they could be, not as they are. If you’ve… Read More
