Book of Daze: Take Your Emotional Support Houseplant to Work
Human beings are not the only ones who suffer in silence at the office. On take your emotional supporth houseplant to work, we honor the ficuses and ferns that have been quietly absorbing the psychic fallout of your late-night doom-scrolling and early-morning muttering about meetings that should have been emails. That same plant has endured the cruel fluorescent half-light of your apartment and your passive-aggressive over-watering. Is it not time to repay the favor by giving it a change of scene and perhaps a touch of PTSD of its own?
Take Your Emotional Support Houseplant to Work Day was founded by an under-appreciated HR coordinator who noticed that people who talk to their plants are somewhat less likely to shout at the copier. According to office legend, her fern, Mrs. Pringle, mediated several departmental disputes merely by drooping in judgment. What began as a single act of corporate rebellion has spread to cubicles everywhere, proving that one person’s therapy ficus can become another person’s workplace wellness initiative.
The record holder for most impactful participant remains a Boston terrarium named Gladys who was credited with reducing email sarcasm by 12 percent during the third quarter of 2018. Several interns later claimed that they received life advice by staring into Gladys’s mossy undergrowth during lunch breaks. Gladys, sadly, died in 2019 after being left in an Uber overnight, but her memory is kept alive by an annual ceremonial misting.
Observing this day is simple. Strap your potted aloe into the passenger seat, preferably with a seatbelt sleeve in company colors, and drive to work humming “You’re So Vain.” On arrival, introduce your plant to the security guard, give it a badge, and place it in a well-lit spot where it can soak up gossip and printer toner fumes. Throughout the day, narrate your petty grievances to it in low tones. Studies suggest that houseplants are excellent at keeping secrets, unlike Todd from Accounting.
So mark your calendar, polish those terracotta pots, and remember: a little exposure therapy never hurt a ficus.Or if it did, at least it cannot file an HR complaint.
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