philmaggitti – Page 28 – postcards from the pug bus

Mel Gibson’s Top Ten Signs the Cop Who Stopped You Is Jewish

philmaggitti 446 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Mel Gibson’s preoccupation with Jewish culture has landed him in the news again. Mr. Gibson, who recently checked into a rehabilitation center at an undisclosed location to undergo treatment for chronic alcoholism, somehow managed to place a call to The Rush Limbaugh Show yesterday. Under the guise of explaining that his anti-Semitic remarks had been Read More

Music

People Magazine Tells Lance Bass He’s Gay

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HOLLYWOOD – “He’s Gay,” screams the cover line across the chest of a purple-shirted Lance Bass on this week’s People magazine. The declaration ends months of speculation concerning the former ‘N Sync star’s relationship with Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl. “We had to do it,” said People‘s editor Jon Benner. “We felt we owed it to Lance and his fans Read More

Music Politics

President Bush Sues Dixie Chicks over Hail to the Chief

philmaggitti 409 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Acting on information gained from cell phone surveillance, President Bush filed suit in a Washington, D.C., court yesterday to stop the Dixie Chicks from using “Hail to the Chief” to herald their arrival on stage during their present concert tour. The president’s lawyers argued in a 225-page brief that the Chicks’ continued Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears to Write Children’s Book [Update]

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MALIBU – Despite the demands of motherhood, Britney Spears still intends to finish a children’s book this year; after that she plans to write one. An editor at Hyperion Books for Children in New York confirmed that Ms. Spears book will tell the story of S.P., a baby who acquires magical powers after being dropped Read More

Celebrities

Brad Pitt Launches Mission to Become Most Annoying Celebrity

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NEW YORK – Brad Pitt used the bully pulpit of the Today show to launch his campaign to win People magazine’s Most Annoying Celebrity of 2006 award. In a stunning performance Mr. Pitt served notice that he is a celebrity with whom to be reckoned when it comes to getting on an intelligent person’s last nerve. While Today‘s Ann Curry Read More

News

Princess Di Crash Photo Revives Rumors of Affairs

philmaggitti 416 Views 3 min read

LONDON – A photo of Princess Diana published in the Italian magazine Chi drew an irate response from the media in Britain yesterday. In the black-and-white photo Princess Di is being administered oxygen in the wreckage of the car crash that killed her August 31, 1997. Ironically, Britain’s normally shameless tabloid newspapers, the bane of Diana’s existence Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Present Baby Suri Hotline

philmaggitti 453 Views 4 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise has finally responded to growing speculation that his alleged daughter Suri does not exist. Mr. Cruise announced yesterday through the pubic relations office at the Scientology Centre in Hollywood that he has authorized the centre to establish a Baby Suri hotline to provide the press and public with information about the Read More

News

Jeremy Piven Is Local Bank Teller’s Inspiration

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WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Jeremy Piven, who has played sidekicks and eccentrics in more than three dozen films during the last twenty years, is the inspiration of Richard Dean, 23, a teller at First National Bank of West Chester. When he was interviewed for the current edition of the bank’s monthly newsletter, First National News, Mr. Read More

Celebrities

Paris Hilton Stalker Has Hollywood’s Support

philmaggitti 438 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – The Paris Hilton stalker who turned up at her father’s office carrying a knife last week has become an overnight cause celebre in Hollywood. The well-dressed, soft-spoken young man, described by one supporter as “seriously hot,” talked his way into Mr. Hilton’s office after telling the receptionist he was Ms. Hilton’s fiancé. Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Supports Restricted Licenses for Teens

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MALIBU – Britney Spears has thrown her weight behind a national initiative to restrict driving privileges for sixteen-year-olds. The once-and-future mother announced yesterday that she is “like totally in favor of” laws that restrict sixteen-year-old drivers from carrying passengers, driving while eating a sandwich, and driving while having sex, including oral sex, which many teenagers Read More

Politics

Guantanamo Ruling on bin Laden’s Driver a Blow to Bush

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Salim Ahmed Hamdan, the short and slight Yemeni who was once Osama bin Laden’s driver, must receive a trial with new, congressionally approved procedures. Before the court’s ruling, President George W. Bush wanted to try Mr. Hamdan in three feet of frog-infested water because, Read More

Celebrities

Pamela Anderson Strips for Twin Causes

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LONDON – Actress Pamela Anderson, who is thirty-nine today, admitted she was promoting more than one cause when she stripped in the window of designer Stella McCartney’s Mayfair boutique in support of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal’s campaign against the use of fur in fashion. “Of course I was there to help PETA Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Tied for Lead at U.S. Women’s Open

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NEWPORT, R.I. – Michelle Wie is tied for the lead after the first day of the U.S. Women’s Open at the historic Newport Country Club. Ms. Wie, who is taking time off from her quest to become the first woman to qualify for something on the men’s tour, is currently tied for first with the Read More

News

Google Checkout Is Based on Its Own Currency

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MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – While e-commerce analysts describe what is expected to be a war for the minds and wallets of Internet shoppers between Google Checkout and PayPal, the most important feature of Google Checkout has gone virtually unremarked. Checkout is based on a new currency issued by Google: the Googlerand. “The days of geophysical Read More

Religion

Gay Bishops Won’t Support Openly Episcopalian Clergy

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COLUMBUS, Ohio – The leadership of the American Association of Gay and Lesbian Bishops (AAGLB) resorted to eleventh-hour lobbying in an attempt to save its membership in the International Synod of Gay Clergy (ISGC). During a marathon session last night, AAGLB whips persuaded the rank and file of both the top and bottom houses of Read More