Wednesday, June 12, 2024
Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Tied for Lead at U.S. Women’s Open

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NEWPORT, R.I. – Michelle Wie is tied for the lead after the first day of the U.S. Women’s Open at the historic Newport Country Club. Ms. Wie, who is taking time off from her quest to become the first woman to qualify for something on the men’s tour, is currently tied for first with the other 155 women golfers who were rained out yesterday, the scheduled first day of the open.

“If this doesn’t prove that Michelle belongs with the men, I don’t know what does,” wrote veteran columnist Ian O’Connor on “Letting Michelle play with the big boys is allowing a delicious sports drama to unfold, and telling the next generation of young women—athletes and otherwise—that their fairways and greens know no bounds.”

As for Ms. Wie, she was nearly giddy at being atop the crowded leader board last night.

“I think I handled the pressure well,” she giggled. “I did what I had to do, and I’m looking forward to getting rained out again tomorrow.”

According to a Reuters release, “Adding to the buzz surrounding Ms. Wie is her youthful approach to golf fashion. Recently she sported a blue mini-skirt with a wide stripe down the side and surfer-style paisley patterns. I’d like to see Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson beat an outfit like that.”

In other news, George W. Bush called Osama binLaden’s posthumous praise of slain al-Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi a load of hooey. “Lion of war my ass,” said the president, slipping into his John Wayne mode. “That guy was a pussy, a pussycat, I mean, a pussycat of, a damn wimp.”    

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