Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Ass Hats

Taco Bell Wins Asshat Award

WEST CHESTER, Penna. — We take no pleasure in bestowing this Asshat of the Moment award on Taco Bell, which recently bent over frontwards to accommodate a bunch of meddlesome old cunts of both sexes at the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI).

Seems like those meddlesome old cunts started foaming at the orifice over a Taco Bell ad that rightfully said that bringing a vegetable tray to a Super Bowl party was like punting on fourth and one. The ad also suggested, rightfully, that people secretly hate other people who show up at a Super Bowl party with that kind of weak shit.

After the meddlesome old cunts at CSPI stopped hyperventilating, they urged their meddlesome-old-cunt followers, aka vegenazis, to tweet their displeasure to Taco Bell. Jesus Fucking Christ, you might have thought those meddlesome old cunts had just learned that chef Lorena Garcia was using descendants of Gidget, the late Taco Bell Chihuahua, in those signature salad bowls.

Nevertheless, Taco Bell promptly ran for the border like a Chihuahua being pursued by a herd of pitbulls. The company that boasts about thinking outside the bun got a bad case of clenched buns and pulled the “offending” ad quicker than you can say, “Why don’t those meddlesome old cunts go fuck themselves?” For such rampant pusillanimous behavior, Taco Bell gets the asshat.

“We didn’t want anyone to misinterpret the intent of the ad,” said Rob Poetsch, a Taco Bell spokesman.

Soon afterward Margo G. Wootan, the head meddlesome old cunt in charge at CSPI, was whining on the group’s website, “It’s bad enough that there aren’t many ads on television for broccoli, kale, or carrots.”

Puhleez, bitch! Ads for fucking carrots? Really? The only fucking ad for a fucking carrot that we’d fucking want to see on fucking television is one in which the fucking carrot was fucking Kate Upton.

What we’d like to know is: How many complaints did those dickless wonders at Taco Bell receive before they lost control of their bowels–250, 600, 2,000? How many complaints from a bunch of meddlesome old shits who don’t go to Taco Bell anyway does it take to bend a corporation to their will?

Until Taco Bell makes that number public, it’s no better than some meddlesome old shit who brings a vegetable tray to a Super Bowl party.

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