Top Three Roadkill Air Fryer Recipes
Crispy panko-crusted possum poppers are Appalachian tapas for today’s palate, featuring possum, the marsupial you didn’t know could pair so well with a pinot noir. Start with a freshly-scraped specimen (check for tire marks, which add a smoky complexity). Marinate in expired Mountain Dew and crushed, stale garlic for twelve hours or until something starts to bubble. Dredge in panko and powdered ranch mix from the Dollar General. Air fry at 390°F for 18 minutes or until your neighbors start asking questions. Serve with a dollop of possum gravy aioli and an alibi.
Szechuan-spiced squirrel on a stick, a carnival classic, now ethically questionable! Squirrels are technically tree rats, but in the air fryer, they’re haute cuisine. De-bone carefully with tweezers or a sense of vengeance. Skewer each segment with locally-sourced chopsticks and coat in a sauce of fermented soy, five spice, and Red Bull. Air fry for fifteen minutes, rotating halfway through to ensure even crispiness and that classic “just-out-of-the-powerline” finish. Pair with: Warm PBR in a mason jar and a sense of reckless abandon.
Venison au tire-tread with truffle spritz, the filet mignon of the expressway. This is the elegant cousin of “Oops, I swerved.” Trim off the gravelly bits first, then season liberally with rosemary, cracked pepper, and existential dread. Place deer medallions in your air fryer basket atop a bed of thin-sliced onion rings (preferably from a gas station). Cook at 400°F for twenty minutes or until medium-rare and slightly suspicious. Finish with a whisper of truffle oil or used dipstick fluid—your call. Optional garnish: A decorative pine air freshener and a quote from Thoreau.
Final Word: As always, consult your conscience, local laws, and digestive tract before embarking on this roadside-to-table journey. Bon appétit.