September 2005 – postcards from the pug bus

New Orleans Prostitutes Displaced by Katrina Find New Homes

philmaggitti 444 Views 3 min read

TIMONIUM, Md. – One of the most inspiring stories to emerge from the national flood of sympathy for the victims of Hurricane Katrina is the manner in which New Orleans’ prostitutes have been welcomed with open arms in cities across the United States. Like most of Katrina’s victims, New Orleans’ working girls lost not only Read More

Politics

President Bush Vows to Rebuild New Orleans in Iraq

philmaggitti 482 Views 2 min read

THE FRENCH QUARTER – Speaking from the courtyard of a sports bar in New Orleans’ historic French Quarter, President George W. Bush declared that rebuilding the hurricane ravaged city was “job one” for the American people. “This is where the fight against Nature’s terrorism begins anew,” said Bush. “If we don’t want to face the Read More

Celebrities

Heather Mills McCartney Hopping Mad at Jennifer Lopez

philmaggitti 446 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Heather Mills McCartney, estranged wife of former Beatle and corporate tool Paul McCartney, was hopping mad following a violent confrontation with Jennifer Lopez’ security personnel at Lopez’ New York office Tuesday. The incident, which left Mills McCartney busier than a one-legged animal rights activist in a butt-kicking contest, began when Mills McCartney, Read More

News

Obestatin Found Lacking in Wal-Mart Shoppers

Biff Scuzzy 390 Views 2 min read

PALO ALTO, Calif. – Scientists at Stanford University have discovered that two out of three Wal-Mart shoppers are deficient in obestatin, the so-called appetite-suppressing or obesity hormone that acts like a biological brake for another hormone that sparks hunger. Coincidentally the hunger-sparking hormone, gorgestatin, was found to be present in abnormal amounts in the same Read More

Music

Paul McCartney Releases Fidelity Investment CD

philmaggitti 430 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Apparently persuaded that money can buy him love, former Beatle Paul McCartney has released “Penny Stocks,” an album he recorded at London’s historic Abbey Road Studio for the newly created Fidelity Investments label. Earlier this year McCartney, 63, signed a lucrative ten-figure contract with Fidelity that will guarantee him financial security for Read More

Culture

Rolling Stone to Publish Thompson Suicide Note

philmaggitti 433 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Rolling Stone magazine has finally acknowledged what Postcards from the Pug Bus told its readers nearly seven months ago: the music-and-fashion magazine, in conjunction with St. Martin’s Press, will publish the rambling, often profane, 352-page suicide note left behind by Hunter S. Thompson after he had blown his brains on February 20. According to Rolling Read More

Music

Fats Domino Is Alive, Who Knew?

philmaggitti 450 Views 3 min read

BATON ROUGE – Rock ‘n’ roll singer Fats Domino, long believed to have been dead, has turned up alive in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. According to news reports, Domino, 77, who is sometimes remembered for his 1950s hits “Ain’t That a Shame” and “Blueberry Hill,” was rescued by boat Monday night from his apartment in New Read More

Politics

President Bush Orders Mardi Gras Moved to Astrodome

Biff Scuzzy 457 Views 2 min read

Moving swiftly to stem criticism that his response to the devastation in New Orleans has been “slow, indifferent, and sadly inadequate,” President Bush announced last night that by executive order Mardi Gras 2006 will be held in Houston’s Astrodome. Bush also announced that naming rights for the event had been purchased by Federal Express for Read More

News

Pug Bus Editor Stands by Bogus Tom Cruise Quotes

philmaggitti 453 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs of the internationally acclaimed satire site, Postcards from the Pug Bus, says he stands by the quotes he made up about Tom Cruise, “no matter what Tom Cruise says.” Those “pretend quotes” in which Cruise claimed to have been Shakespeare in a previous life have “spread Read More