Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Rolling Stone to Publish Thompson Suicide Note

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NEW YORK – Rolling Stone magazine has finally acknowledged what Postcards from the Pug Bus told its readers nearly seven months ago: the music-and-fashion magazine, in conjunction with St. Martin’s Press, will publish the rambling, often profane, 352-page suicide note left behind by Hunter S. Thompson after he had blown his brains on February 20.

According to Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner, no publication date has been set for Thompson’s note, which is entitled “Football Season Is Over.” Speaking to Elton John, Interview magazine’s literary affairs editor, Wenner said, “Hunter wasn’t big on deadlines, so we don’t see any need to announce when we’re going to publish this sucker. When it happens, it happens.”

A source close to Rolling Stone said that Thompson’s suicide note may be published to coincide with Rolling Stone’s spring fashion issue in February, traditionally one of the magazine’s biggest-selling numbers.

That source also revealed that Thompson’s suicide was prompted at least in part by the appearance of his phone number on the Internet after Paris Hilton’s Sidekick had been hacked. “That king-hell, soul-sucking, cellulite-brained sleazoid Paris Hilton has sucked me into the maw of her eyeball-frying power trip,” wrote Thompson. “Now every two-bit geek of an editor I ever kept waiting up past his bedtime on a deadline is ringing me as if I’m the local Domino’s Pizza just to give me one of the few remaining pieces of his or her mind.”

The invasion of his treasured privacy wasn’t the only thing that drove Thompson to despair. He apparently made—and lost—a large bet with Rush Limbaugh on the Super Bowl.

“I got suckered like a virgin on prom night with her first corsage,” wrote Thompson. “No way I should have let that speech-slurring, OxyContin-popping rat bastard hornswoggle me into taking the Eagles without the points. How was I to know that [Eagles quarterback] Donovan McNabb would try to throw up his colon when the game was on the line? I’ve seen government snitches trapped in the corner of a rest stop on a Hell’s Angels’ run with more composure than that guy.”

McNabb, Limbaugh, and Hilton were only a few of the public figures and celebrities whom Thompson gunned down with bursts of Uzi-like prose. Even Rolling Stone founder, Jann Wenner, who had purchased the rights to Thompson’s suicide note for $10 million some time ago, was withered in the crossfire.

“I hope you’re happy, you pompous, vainglorious Nancy Boy twit,” wrote Thompson. “I can tell your sorry, Mick Jagger-loving ass that I certainly will be glad not having to put up with your limp-wristed voice whining into my answering machine asking how I managed to spend $25 thousand in two days on room service. I ought to send you a bill for all the freakin’ answering machines I shot on account of you.”

In related news, Miramax films, which purchased the movie rights to Thompson’s suicide note, is “in conversations” with Russell Crowe concerning the lead role.

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