postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Month: December 2005

Culture

Mariah Carey to Tom Cruise, 2005 Bytes

philmaggitti 449 Views 5 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Not for nothing did Marah release an album this year entitled If You Didn’t Laugh, You’d Cry. It was that kind of year, people, a jingle-jangle phantasmagoria of sights, sounds, and silliness; nonsense, nonesuch, and no-brainers. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. Some days art was hard pressed Read More

Celebrities

Tara Reid Breast Implants Threaten Her Life

Biff Scuzzy 484 Views 3 min read

MIAMI – Tara Reid, the once promising star of American Pie, is rumored to be at risk for Soy Oil Lachrymosis (SOL), a potentially life threatening condition that affects women who have had breast augmentation surgery. While her legions of horrified fans look on, Reid’s mammary implants seem to be growing larger by the day. If Read More

Culture

Jessica Simpson Plans for Leap Second

philmaggitti 440 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Jessica Simpson has finalized her plan for taking advantage of the extra second—or leap second—that will be added to clocks around the world at the stroke of midnight on December 31. The recently separated singer-actress told reporters she will use the time “writing a post-nuptial agreement to protect my interests after Read More

Music

Mariah Carey in Talks with Jenny Craig

Chip Hilton 516 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Diva par excellence Mariah Carey, having mounted a successful comeback as a singer, now means to conquer the world of endorsements. The increasingly rotund Carey, thirty-six, huddled with executives from Jenny Craig in Aspen early last week to discuss the possibility of replacing Fat Actress star Kirsty Alley as the Jenny Craig Salt Lick Read More

Celebrities

Cameron Diaz Sues KFC Alleging Bird Flu Symptoms

Chip Hilton 402 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Cameron Diaz filed a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against the KFC corporation in Los Angeles superior court. The suit alleges that Diaz developed flulike symptoms after eating a three-piece, leg-and-thigh, extra-crispy dinner earlier this month. Also named in the suit is the KFC outlet on Rodeo Drive, where Diaz purchased the dinner at the take-out Read More

Politics

President Bush Spied on Internet Users

philmaggitti 482 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented step the White House released a classified report detailing the results of an eavesdropping campaign conducted in an Internet chat room. The chat room (www.letsgetsirius.org) is frequented by dog-loving singles looking to sniff out new partners for “romps on the beach” or “quiet nights in front of the fireplace.” Read More

Celebrities

Jennifer Aniston Backlash Is Building

Chip Hilton 398 Views 3 min read

BOSTON – Public opinion researchers at Harvard and MIT have confirmed a rumor that a Jennifer Aniston backlash is building across the United States. The first hint of the backlash appeared in The Chronicle of Higher Education on December 2. “What recently divorced actress is in danger of becoming so last year as a result of overexposure Read More

Politics

President Bush to Replace Verizon Guy

philmaggitti 472 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush and Verizon Wireless are expected to announce at a joint news conference today that the president will take the place of Paul Marcarelli, the long-time advertising face of Verizon, in a new series of commercials. The company is also expected to announce that it is changing its much-parodied Read More

Celebrities

Sir Elton John Slams Lady Madonna

Chip Hilton 427 Views 2 min read

LONDON – Marriage has not mellowed Sir Elton John, who exchanged vows with his longtime lover, David Furnish, today. At his pre-wedding hen party Monday night, John, 58, called Madonna “a miserable cow” for not attending the cabaret-style bash. “She was probably too busy practicing her phony British accent,” said John. “It would serve her Read More

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson Files for Divorce over Lack of Nickname

philmaggitti 482 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Singer-actress Jessica Simpson, twenty-five, has filed for divorce from Nick Lachey, thirty-two, her husband of three years. In a divorce petition filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, Simpson cited the lack of a nickname as the cause for the dissolution of her marriage. “BradJen, TomKat, Bradgelina, these are instantly recognizable brands,” said Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Tops Yahoo Buzz Again

Biff Scuzzy 417 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – For the third time in four years, Britney Spears owns the most searched-for name on the Internet, according to Yahoo’s Buzz Index for 2005. Spears, who did not release an album of new material this year, proved that she is not a one-dimensional star and that talent is not a prerequisite for Read More

News

Dallas Teacher Accuses Santa Claus of Planting News Stories

Biff Scuzzy 409 Views 2 min read

DALLAS – A music teacher in a Dallas suburb told a class of six- and seven-year-old students that a favorable news story about Santa Claus in Our Weekly News, a popular elementary school news magazine, was a hoax. Marshall “Slim” Mathers, a teacher in Richland Elementary School, responded to a question about the story from one Read More

News

King Kong Protest Planned by PETA

philmaggitti 429 Views 2 min read

VIRGINIA BEACH, Vir. – When King Kong opens at more than 3,500 theaters across the United States today, people attending many of those theaters will be greeted by protesters from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). According to a PETA press release, members of the radical animal rights group will be demonstrating against “the wonton Read More

Culture

King Kong Is Time Magazine’s Person of the Year

Biff Scuzzy 447 Views 2 min read

LAS VEGAS – A large number of suspicious wagers placed on Sportsbook.com have revealed that Time magazine’s editors have selected King Kong as the news weekly’s person of the year. Time‘s choice was made public after “suspicious betting activity” led the proprietors of Sportsbook.com, the online wager house, to shut down betting on who or what would Read More