postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Month: October 2007

Music

Paul McCartney Drops Boob Visitation Request

philmaggitti 449 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Paul McCartney is so keen to be shed of Heather Mills that he has dropped his request for joint custodial oversight of Ms. Mills’ breasts and a generous, unsupervised visitation schedule. “My client is prepared to quit his claims of alienation of affection and emotional deprivation if that will help to put paid Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Writing Self-Help Book for Children

Chip Hilton 456 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears is writing a self-help book in order to prevent “childrens everywhere” from making the same mistakes she’s made since her ill-advised, fifty-five-hour Las Vegas “marriage” nearly four years ago. “I wisht somebody had of told me when I was a kid not to drive around without a license and not to Read More

NewsPolitics

Al Gore Demands Nobel Prize Recount

philmaggitti 465 Views 1 min read

SAN FRANCISCO – Al Gore told reporters in San Francisco yesterday that he will demand a recount in order to break the tie in this year’s Nobel Peace Prize voting. Mr. Gore, 59, shared the prize with the United Nation’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, but he says he “will not rest until the prize Read More

Celebrities

George Clooney Health Records Reveal Hemorrhoids, Incontinence

Biff Scuzzy 471 Views 2 min read

NORTH BERGEN, N.J. – George Clooney’s health records contain some personally embarrassing information, said a hospital health worker who was suspended after taking a secret peek at Mr. Clooney’s private annals. “Persistent hemorrhoids, acute situational incontinence, chronic erectile dysfunction, projectile flatulence, pubic boils—there’s more to George Clooney than meets the eye or ear,” said Cheryl Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Narrows College Choices to Harvard or Rochville

Chip Hilton 417 Views 2 min read

OUTBACK, Utah – Recently clean actress Lindsay Lohan has narrowed her college choices to Harvard and Rochville universities, a spokesperson for the I Know Who Killed Me star said yesterday. “Despite what nearly everybody thinks, Lindsay is an incredibly bright girl when she’s sober; and now that she is sober, she wants to have the college experience she gave Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears’ Obsession with Princess Diana

Chip Hilton 417 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears’ obsession with Princess Diana has Ms. Spears’ few remaining friends concerned. They fear the frazzled pop star may be planning to harm herself in some dramatic way in order to mimic the princess’ death. “We didn’t think nothing much about it when Britney ditched her Carol Channing wig for a Princess Read More

Culture

Thomas the Tank Engine Sued for Sexual Harassment

philmaggitti 499 Views 1 min read

VICARSTOWN, Sodor – Thomas the Tank Engine has been sued for sexual harassment by Lady Jane Hatt and her granddaughter Bridgett. The beloved tank engine was subjected to a perp push by another tank engine and the Angry Policeman, who lived up to his name by continually telling the paparazzi to “Fuck off!” According to Read More

News

RIAA Sends Message to Native American Single Mothers of Two

philmaggitti 472 Views 1 min read

DULUTH, Minn. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) prevailed yesterday in its efforts to stamp out copyright infringement by Native American single mothers of two children. Jammie Thomas, 30, who was found guilty of “musical terrorism” related to alleged online music-sharing activities, now owes the RIAA $222,000 for making twenty-four songs, including Sarah Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears’ Driving Test Leaked to Tabloid

Chip Hilton 472 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – A copy of the written driving test Britney Spears passed in order to obtain a temporary license has been leaked to THEM Weekly magazine. The magazine was unable to learn Ms. Spears’ actual score on the test, but a representative for the troubled singer said she had passed the test by telling the examiner Read More

Music

Bruce Springsteen’s Hair Rocks Hartford

philmaggitti 480 Views 2 min read

HARTFORD, Conn. – Bruce Springsteen’s hair kicked ass and took names at the Hartford Civic Center last night. Reunited with the E Street Band for the first time in five years, Mr. Springsteen’s hair launched its Magic tour with a twenty-three-song set that recalled its glory days while demonstrating there’s still plenty of room left for growth. Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Stripped of Her Citizenship

philmaggitti 425 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Britney Spears has been stripped of her citizenship, the White House revealed this morning. President Bush took this rare, but not unprecedented, step when he signed an executive order relieving Ms. Spears of her citizenship at 8:59 last evening, just before he retired for the night. “Presidents are reluctant to invoke this Read More