NEW YORK – U2’s lead singer, Bono, perennially one of the worst-dressed white men in the world, has announced the cancellation of the clothing line for the fashion impaired that he and his wife founded last year.
Called Edun, the moderately priced clothes were designed especially for people who look as if they were dressed by Stevie Wonder’s valet–or perhaps by Stevie himself.
Bono, who has been legally fashion impaired since the age of fifteen, made the surprise announcement yesterday at a press conference in New York. Reporters arrived at the conference expecting to hear another tiresome lecture, sprinkled with the names of world leaders whom Bono has been hectoring recently about reducing Third World debt. The press was caught off guard, however, when the diminutive Irish singer, resplendent in a Nehru jacket, bell bottoms, and trademark shades, announced that he had come to talk about clothes.
“Isn’t that like Paris Hilton talking about chastity?” a Rolling Stone reporter muttered under his breath. “This is a guy who makes the worst-dressed list for functions he doesn’t even attend.”
“Sadly,” announced Bono, “Edun clothes sold so poorly that we were increasing Third World debt by having them manufactured in the Third World.”
Each item of Edun clothing–the studded denim jacket, for example–featured a code tag next to the label. The code on the tag allowed the fashion-impaired shopper to know the items with which the denim jacket should be worn–in this case a chartreuse macrame hat large enough to be useful for smuggling a starving Third World baby through customs. To reinforce this lesson, each item in the Edun line is accompanied by a booklet containing extended fashion tips.
Bono was inspired to found Edun clothes after his son Elijah Bob Patricious Guggie Q Bono had come home crying from pre-school because the other kids had made fun of the way he was dressed.
“It was then I realized that fashion imparedness is in the genes,” said Bono, a man for whom nostril hair is a fashion statement. “I called my good friend Bob Dylan to ask if that had ever happened to his kids, and Bob told me that saving the world begins at home.”
Bono also informed reporters that he and his wife, Ali Bono, who is also legally fashion impaired, will auction the entire Edun catalog on eBay shortly.”
In other news, although no one asked her and, apparently, nobody gives a damn, Angelina Jolie has announced that she will campaign on behalf of former US Secretary of State Colin Powell in an effort to get him appointed US Ambassador to the United Nations.
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