The Five Stages of Self-Deception Identified

The Five Stages of Self‑Deception have been identified and described by a team of social science researchers at the Ohio State University. The stages are (1) mild reframing, (2) selective amnesia, (3) heroic revisionism, (4) grandiose forecasting, and (5) full-blown delusion. They are framed in the progress of “composite subject” Gavin Lutz, 42, a man best known for insisting he “almost got into Brown” despite never having applied.

Gavin entered stage one, mild reframing, after he had received a politely devastating performance review. He began telling friends that the review “wasn’t even that bad” and that his supervisor, Marta Klein, 51, “just doesn’t get the vision thing.” (Marta once won a regional award for spreadsheet formatting, a fact she mentions only constantly.)

From there it was a short hop to stage two, selective amnesia. Within hours,  Gavin explained to colleagues that he had “never really cared about advancement anyway,” a claim as dubious as his other hobbyhorse: that he could have gone pro in pickleball if not for “the politics.”

By stage three, heroic revisionism, Gavin had begun to believe the unflattering performance review was actually a triumph. He announced that it had “liberated” him to pursue his “true calling,” which he identified as “thought leadership.” He began drafting a manifesto titled “The Agile Soul,” a document so unreadable that even ChatGPT refused to summarize it.

Stage four, grandiose forecasting, is where the wheels on Gavin’s cart really started to wobble. He was gripped by the sudden conviction that the universe was conspiring in his favor. He told his barber, Leo Mancini, 58, a man who once sued a Ohio State mascot for “emotional damages,” that he expected to be “running the place” within six months. Leo responded with the professional neutrality of someone who has heard worse.

Stage five, full-blown delusion, was not pretty. Gavin began offering advice to random strangers until he was asked to “move on” by campus police. He now privately hosts a podcast called Mindset Mondays, where he explains how to “reframe adversity into ascendancy.”

His viewership currently stands at three: Dana, who watches for legal documentation; Leo, who finds it soothing; and Gavin himself, who insists the number is “basically going viral.”

More red-hot news dispatches live here. You’ll be sorry you looked.

Find Us Elsewhere
Instagram
X (Twitter)