CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – The Internet Police approved a scheme yesterday that will create a virtual red-light district in cyberspace. Known by the catchy code name Hooterville, this plan will establish a new class of web addresses, .xxx, that will be available to all pornographic websites.
According to the terms of the Hooterville plan, a pornographic website known, for example, as www.beastsandchildren.com will be able to paint a big red bullseye on its butt by re-registering as www.beastsandchildren.xxx.
“This is a positively brilliant scheme,” said Tim Berners-Lee, who co-created (and misspelled) the “World Wide” Web nearly fifteen years ago. “When Al Gore and I started the web, we never thought it would become the festering sinkhole of pornography and commerce that it is today. It’s high time we called a spade a spade.”
Berners-Lee made these comments during his keynote address at the annual Internet Police convention. Despite his enthusiasm, however, the Hooterville plan looks more ridiculous—and even less convincing—than Tom Cruise did on Oprah’s show. To begin, it’s a voluntary scheme. If www.beastsandchildren.com wants to remain a dot.com, seducing unsuspecting young visitors, there’s no reason why it can’t.
Indeed, there are at least two good reasons why it should stay put. First, why bother to change your address when changing means you have to e-mail all your registered users to tell them that by such and such a date your old e-mail address will no longer be taking deliveries?
More important, why change from a dot com to a dot xxx address when the latter will make it easier for your site to be blocked by agitated parents who live in mortal fear that their kids will be turned into perverts if they so much as glimpse an uncovered breast? Isn’t there a law against self-incrimination in this country?
And did we mention that .xxx addresses will cost roughly ten times as much ($60 per year) to register a dot xxx address and it costs to register a dot com address?
In related news, the Internet Police also approved the following classes of new web addresses: .gwb, .pitt, .jlo, and .fu. The last category is for satire sites.
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
