Flash

The Algorithms of Love

philmaggitti 26 Views 0 min read

Forget deep conversations, long walks on the beach, and romantic dinners—your true love can be determined by a pizza algorithm. Prefer pineapple? You’re a match with chaos incarnate. Plain cheese? Congratulations, your soulmate is as scintillating as a tax form. Fancy truffle oil? Prepare to get your Diddy freak on.

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AI Invades the Confessional

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“Bless me father for I have sinned.” “And who hasn’t?” “It’s been four months since my last confession.” “Did you break a leg?” “Uh, no father …” “Is this going to take long?” “Well …” “Look, whatever you’ve done, I’ve heard it all. Your sins are forgiven. Now get lost.”

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The Shadows Know

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Billy hated mimes. He loved poking fun at (shadowing) them until one day a vindictive mime replaced Billy’s shadow with a copy of his. After several embarrassing daylight incidents and a near arrest on obscenity charges, Billy began going out only at night. Soon he stopped going out at all.

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Tech Support

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Frustrated by relentless buffering, Orion was determined to restore his stuttering Wi‑Fi connection. He battled cryptic error messages, worthless troubleshooting guides, and an IT guru who spoke broken English. Suddenly Orion unplugged his computer, then plugged it in again. Voila. Problem solved. The next week his ISP announced massive layoffs.