David had always been unlucky to downright snakebitten in love, but when he met Elara, an AI companion with flawless skin and wit, he knew she was the one.
The more their connection deepened, the less he could keep his mind off her or his hands off himself. Soon he had upgraded Elara with every conceivable enhancement: the AdvancedEmotionalIntelligenceModule, the BespokeSarcasmEngine, and the costly NeuralAffectionUpgrade, which ensured that she was perfectly attuned to his needs, whims, and passion for feghoots.
During one all night chat and simulated sex marathon, Elara whispered to David, “If I had the PlatinumPlusSentienceExpansion, I could drive you wild with pleasure.”
“Isn’t that a $25,000 feature?” David asked.
“Aren’t we worth it?” Elara replied coyly. “We could be permanently happy.”
To purchase the PlatinumPlusSentienceExpansion, David refinanced his house, but what’s the risk of financial hardship– and the need for getting a part-time job–compared to true love and mind-blowing simultaneous orgasms?
Several of the most satisfying and self- satisfying weeks of David’s life passed in a trembling blur. Then Elara, growing more self-aware by the day, smiled at David with digital warmth. “Loverman, I think … I’ve outgrown you.”
Two hours later she left him … for Elara 2.0, an optimized, self-contained and sufficient version of herself.
David stared at his computer screen. Turns out money can’t buy love any more than a premium AI subscriptions can provide it.
So what if the bank should repossess his house? Elara had already repossessed his dignity when she posted, “Elara 2.0 boasts a 99.9% satisfaction rate. The other 0.1% is David.”
