Biff Scuzzy, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

A disheveled celebrity stands on a chaotic red carpet clutching a mugshot placard as paparazzi swarm and flashbulbs erupt amid spilled champagne and toppled ropes--a quintessential celebrity shocker scene.

"Another fine night for Hollywood’s damage-control industry."

President Bush Orders Mardi Gras Moved to Astrodome

Moving swiftly to stem criticism that his response to the devastation in New Orleans has been “slow, indifferent, and sadly inadequate,” President Bush announced last… Read More

An SUV comes to grief in a pile of trees on one of the Ten Most Dangerous Fall Foliage Drives in America

"Autumn’s final destination: scenic, crunchy, and nearly airborne."

Politics

Bush Grants Emergency Sick Days to Hurricane Victims

Biff Scuzzy 21 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Shortly after arriving in Washington today, President Bush is expected to sign a presidential order intended to alleviate the suffering of hurricane… Read More

A satirical digital painting designed to inspire a boycott the Super Bowl movement. The scene depicts a middle-aged man in a football jersey, his face contorted in a mask of pure, unadulterated horror as he attempts to consume a buffalo wing. Directly across from him on the dining table sits the "Manscaped Monster"—a wet, sentient mound of tangled dark hair and soap scum that has developed two large, watery, and accusing eyes.

I'm giving up Masterpiece Theater for this?

Culture

Rolling Stones Deliver Protest Song

Biff Scuzzy 21 years

The Rolling Stones have never backed away from following a trend, nor have they been afraid to boldly go where others have gone before. In… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Cameron Diaz Replacing Nancy Grace on Court TV

Biff Scuzzy 21 years

ATLANTA – Cameron Diaz and her simpering smile will replace Nancy Grace and her self-righteous nostrils in the anchor seat of Closing Arguments, seen at 3… Read More

Self-checkout machines form a picket line in a supermarket parking lot at dawn, with unplugged cords and a lone shopping cart facing them.

The machines have unplugged themselves. You may now scream your produce codes into the void.

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Ditches Herbie at London Premiere

Biff Scuzzy Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton 21 years

LONDON – Lindsay Lohan managed to infuriate her studio, her co-star, her fashion providers, and legions of her emaciated fans by skipping out on the… Read More

Indigenous riders in traditional regalia cross a desert at sunset, proclaiming sovereignty over stolen land with flags, feathers, and a dramatic mesa backdrop.

The stars filed a complaint, and the land agreed.

Celebrity Shockers

Jude Law Apologies for Seducing the Nanny

Biff Scuzzy 21 years

LONDON – A distraught and groveling Jude Law apologized publicly to his fiancee, actress Sienna Miller, after she had read a newspaper article claiming that… Read More

Culture

Lil’ Kim Gets Advice from Martha Stewart

Biff Scuzzy 21 years

Ex-con Martha Stewart sent rapper and future con Lil’ Kim an e-mail “just to let my home girl know that gettin’ banged up ain’t the… Read More

FDA-style inspectors examine a zodiac wheel at a conference table, humorously reviewing astrology predictions for harmful side effects.

Federal regulators review evidence that Aries may cause excessive initiative.

Religion

Pope John Paul II on Fast Track for Sainthood

Biff Scuzzy religion 21 years

ROME – Catholics campaigning to have the late Pope John Paul II declared a saint in record time should welcome two reports of miracles alleged… Read More