Wednesday, June 12, 2024
Culture

Bill Maher, Ann Coulter Sex Video Leaked on Web

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WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Political commentator and steamy, right-wing sex goddess Ann Coulter has never been loath to use her sexuality or her febrile tongue to sell books.

She called used-to-be-presidential-candidate John Edwards a faggot, insinuated that Hillary Clinton is a “flabby-ass dyke,” suggested that widows of 9/11 victims “would go without panties to their daughters’ first communions if it meant extending their fifteen minutes of fame,” and called for the immediate conversion of all “bagel eaters” to Christianity.

Ms. Coulter has also appeared nude in Esquire and the NRA Journal, but even her most devout fans are wondering if she has finally gone too far.

What has Ms. Coulter’s followers in a fit is a sex video starring her, Bill Maher, and a life-size cardboard cutout of Tucker Carlson. The half-hour video, entitled How to Have Sex with a Liberal (If You Must), was leaked to THEM Weekly magazine, which, after several viewings, has vouched for its authenticity, “especially that of Tucker Carlson.”

In the video a surprisingly athletic Ms. Coulter and an obviously wasted Mr. Maher play a sexually charged version of “New Rules,” the popular segment that closes Mr. Maher’s HBO series, Real Time with Bill Maher. The likeness of Mr. Carlson apparently plays no role in the proceedings apart from standing around and looking supercilious.

Ms. Coulter’s new rules for making love to a liberal require Mr. Maher, who is half bagel eater, to repeat liberal-bashing statements in order to win sexual favors from Ms. Coulter. Repeating “Kamala Harris is an ugly crack whore,” for example, earned Mr. Maher one-minute of tonsil hockey.

Gradually, the statements Mr. Maher is obliged to repeat grow more outrageous until, in the video’s climax, Ms. Coulter, who is dressed in red-state leather dominatrix drag, cracks a whip and flicks cigarette ashes on Mr. Maher while demanding that he shout, “Donald Trump for president.”

After Mr. Maher complies, Ms. Coulter removes her leather studded thong, tosses it over the Tucker Carlson cutout, and exhorts Mr. Maher to “use me like I’m your favorite dab rig.”

As the couple thrashes about on a waterbed covered with a gigantic American flag like a pair of randy delegates at a GOP convention, the West Point marching band plays a throbbing version of Lee Greenwood’s “I’m Proud to Be an American” in the background.

Next on Ellen: Is Mayor Pete a pitcher or a catcher?    

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