Horoscopes

(Forecasting your future like a near sighted raccoon with a deck of tarot cards and a Red Bull addiction.) ♈ Aries (Mar 21–Apr 19) Today… Read More

It has been said, far too often for sure, that the eyes are the windows of the soul; but if we’re honest, it’s our go-to… Read More

(Brought to you by the number Ï€ and the unsettling whisper you hear when the refrigerator hums.) Leo (July 23 – August 22): You will… Read More

“The stars are lying again. Best to lie with them.” ♌ Leo (7/23 “‘ 8/22): Confidence level: 112 percent. Accuracy of your opinions: 14 percent.… Read More

Cancer (6/22 “‘ 7/22): Nothing succeeds like finesse. Don’t  let your inability to relate to other human beings or your flippant disregard for their feelings… Read More

The stars are lying again. Let’s pretend to believe them. ♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Today you will cry over a pizza commercial… Read More

(Delivered fresh, like a slap from the cosmos.) Aries (3/21 – 4/19): You are full of ideas today. Sadly, most of them are banned by… Read More

(The sins of the family, it has been said, fall on the daughter. Astrologically speaking, the sins of those with whom we share a sign… Read More