Flash Archives - Page 11 of 14 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

""What position do you prefer?"

Flash

How AI Can Improve Sexual Performance

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

AI-powered sex toys can remember what floats your boat. AI plus virtual reality and augmented-reality technologies equals “realistic,” can’t-tell-the-difference sexual experiences. AI-powered earbuds help individuals… Read More

A couple enjoying colorful drinks and smiling at a cafe.

Flash

Table for Two

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

Rob meets Angela for lunch. Each is secretly planning to confess to recent infidelities. When Rob begins to speak, Angela interrupts him. “Robbie, there’s something… Read More

"Imagine opening the front door and seeing ..."

Flash

Pretty Is as Pretty Does

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

Flush with anticipation, Vicky opened the door to greet her date, whom a friend had set her up with. There stood one pitiful, butt-ugly man.… Read More

homeless person sitting down reading a book

"Homeless man reading classified documents that fell out of Joe Biden's car."

Flash

AA Releases Flash Version of 12 Steps Program

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

I’m bad, god’s good. I’ll put the ball in his court. Then I’ll count the ways I’ve screwed up. Wow, I really am a turd. I should just let god… Read More

a tombstone bearing the message Wake Me When It's Over

"Dog is my copilot."

Flash

The Lord Helps Those

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

Daniel had spent months writing a self-help book on time management, preaching discipline and punctuality. On launch day, however, he overslept and arrived, breathless, an… Read More

Flash

San Francisco Tranny Prostitute Kills John

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

A San Francisco prostitute killed a John who had realized the prostitute was transgender and asked for a refund. Leion Butler, 20, killed Hamza Walupupu,… Read More

"Two species divided by a common language,"

Flash

artificial intelligence, n

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 2 years

Any grand experiment in which humans teach machines to think, only to have them roast our spelling errors and suggest healthier life choices. A digital… Read More

"Mirror, mirror, in the bathroom."

Flash

Meet the Autosexual

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 2 years

The ultimate narcissist. We are told you can’t love anyone until you love yourself, but for the autosexual, loving oneself is the ultimate goal. Who… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.