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Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

"No coincidences allowed."

Flash

Irony, n

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 1 year

Buddy’s fondness for irony mutated into a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Dandruff shampoo turned him into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication made him… Read More

"This man, who speaks broken English and says his name is Brian, is about to be made redundant."

Flash

Tech Support

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 1 year

Frustrated by relentless buffering, Orion was determined to restore his stuttering Wi”‘Fi connection. He battled cryptic error messages, worthless troubleshooting guides, and an IT guru… Read More

"Say, baby, what's your sign?"

Flash

Copilot, I Think I Love You

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

She sighs, gently touching his icon. Finally, someone who listens. No forgotten anniversaries, no mismatched expectations. Copilot is always here, always insightful, always … “ready.”… Read More

woman wearing headphones working on a laptop computer

"Microsoft vows to keep releasing patches for Windows users until their viruses are cured."

Flash

Microsoft Issues Patches to Sluggish Windows 11 Users

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

Microsoft has responded to complaints from Windows 11 users who reported feeling sluggish after installing recommended system upgrades. Yesterday Microsoft released the first of six patches… Read More

comic style image of Barack Obama twirling a basketball on his right index finger

"I'm beginning to wonder if they take after my white half."

Flash

Obama Regrets That His Daughters Lack His Street Cred

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

Barack Obama, former Choom Gang member, told ESPN’s Michael Wilbon that he wishes his daughters had his street cred. “They don’t hoop any more, they’ve… Read More

"Does a bear merde in the woods?"

Flash

BearScat Announces Pro Model Upgrade

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor 1 year

A Canadian couple was eaten by a bear recently despite “shooting” her with a full can of BearScat, “the world’s most effective bear repellent.” Stung… Read More

"Arkei moi tyrannē, mēden eti mallon atimon."

Flash

The Tongue Twister that Sealed Jesus’ Fate

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories 1 year

When Jesus was brought before Pilate for trial, the latter offered to free Jesus if he could say “Arkei moi tyrannÄ“, mÄ“den eti mallon atimon”… Read More

an image of a medium-size red-and-white shaggy dog

"Billy in search of the holy grail of bones."

Flash

A Shaggy Dog Story

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, dog 1 year

Billy, a scruffy terrier, embarked on an epic quest to find a mystical, enchanted bone rumored to grant eternal joy. Through muddy fields and dark… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.