Dolly Parton Messaged Miley Cyrus

MALIBU, CA — The Department of Domestic Miracles has confirmed that Dolly Parton messaged Miley Cyrus. The late “Nine to Five” singer apparently manipulated hallway lighting in Cyrus’ home recently, using standard residential current to communicate from beyond the grave.

The manifestation occurred after Cyrus had assembled a shrine to Dolly, consisting of a life-sized Dolly mannequin, a candle, patchouli incense, and a flower of uncertain botanical distinction.

Following a video performance of “Jolene,” a song concerning an unusually attractive bank teller, Cyrus asked her deceased godmother for a supernatural sign. The hallway lights flickered immediately.

According to musician Maxx Morando, Cyrus’ current fiancé, the lights pulsed several times despite his having no knowledge of her request. Investigators described his testimony as oddly compelling.

“The celestial realm operates on standard residential current,” Cyrus explained. “Some people will blame the dishwasher running on the same circuit. Others will mention the damp sea air corroding the junction box. Those people do not comprehend the grand architecture of eternity. Dolly did not cross the Great River to deliver an unreleased melody. She crossed it to drop the line voltage by two volts.”

Officials from the Department of Domestic Miracles have registered  the incident as a Class II Electrical Apparition, a designation reserved for supernatural encounters that produce measurable results but fail to illuminate anything useful.

Meanwhile grieving fans  throughout Los Angeles have begun monitoring their own recessed lighting for messages from Johnny Cash, Whitney Houston, Jerry Garcia, and other departed entertainers.

Building inspectors have urged restraint, however, pointing out that most reported communications from beyond can be traced to loose neutral wires, aging circuit breakers, or aluminum wiring installed during the Carter administration.

The department has not yet determined what Parton was attempting to communicate. Its two leading interpretations are “I’ll always be with you” and “For God’s sake, call an electrician.”

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