Jessica Simpson Fails Adoption Questionnaire

HOLLYWOOD – Jessica Simpson stumbled over the first hurdle in her quest to adopt a Mexican baby. The singer-
actress was able to answer only one out of eleven questions correctly on a preliminary adoption assessment form. The average score is 6.5. The passing grade is negotiable.

A spokesperson for Ms. Simpson said she hopes to do better the second time she takes the test.

“Jess thought it was going to be an open-book test,” said the spokesperson. “Besides, she didn’t know it was going to be in English.”

A source close to Ms. Simpson leaked a copy of the test, along with Ms. Simpson’s answers, to this publication. Ms. Simpson’s answers are in bold.

1. Mexico is . . .
a) a city, b) a country, c) the place where Natalee Holloway disappeared, d) a place with lots of extra babies, e) where all the illegal aliens live.

2. Babies born in Mexico speak . . .
a) fast, b) broken English, c) Mexican, d) Spanish, e) only when spoken to.

3. Mexican babies should be fed . . .
a) carefully, b) whenever they cry, c) pureed tacos, d) a nourishing formula, e) with either breast.

4. Mexico’s president is . . .
a) under indictment, b) under-size, c) Vincente Fox, d) Michael J. Fox, e) corrupt.

5. I want to adopt a Mexican baby because . . .
a) Angelina Jolie doesn’t have one yet, b) I want to practice my Spanish, c) my biological clock is ticking, d) I want to provide a loving, nurturing environment, e) the celebrity sperm bank turned down my request.

6. When I visited Mexico, the thing I liked the most was . . .
a) spring break, b) the food, c) the culture, d) the souvenirs, e) Mardi Gras.

7. I have many Mexican . . .
a) gardeners, b) knickknacks, c) friends, d) illnesses, e) postage stamps.

8. Mexico’s chief export is . . .
a) illegal aliens, b) marijuana, c) Cheech Marin, d) tortillas, e) none of the above.

9. Cinco de mayo is celebrated on . . .
a) May 5, b) May 6, c) April 5, d) a Monday no matter when it falls, e) leap years only.

10. The capital of Mexico is . . .
a) Tijuana, b) overcrowded, c) Mexico City, d) a tourist trap, e) I don’t know.

Bonus question: Mexico is home to the world’s largest . . .
a) pyramid, b) pinata, c) margarita, d) sombrero, e) statue of the Blessed Virgin.