Book of Daze Pretend You’re Not Home Day

A Celebration of Cowering in Silence

Book of Daze Pretend You’re Not Home Day celebrates the ancient and sacred rite of hiding behind a couch while a UPS driver dares to approach the door.

This holiday was founded in 2009 by a Connecticut woman who mistook a Jehovah’s Witness for her ex-boyfriend and dove headfirst into her clothes dryer. Since then, the observance has grown into a full-blown cultural hootenanny, marked by silence, paranoia, and muting the television at just the right moment.

Traditional activities on Book of Daze Pretend You’re Not Home Day include tiptoeing through one’s own home like a burglar, communicating with housemates in panicked whispers, and scanning the Ring camera feed as if awaiting word from the NORAD missile warning center.

While some celebrants claim the holiday is rooted in introversion, others say it’s more about preserving the illusion of boundaries in an age when everyone expects you to answer the door, the phone, and your texts–often simultaneously.

“I support community,” said longtime participant Tasha Renfro, “but not when it knocks without texting first. That’s basically emotional terrorism.”

Retailers have begun offering “Do Not Knock–Ever” door mats and audio recordings of growling dogs to aid in observance of Book of Daze Pretend You’re Not Home Day. There is also a growing movement to have the day recognized by Amazon Prime, so packages can be launched from drones directly into backyards without anyone having to wave or acknowledge another human.

Although participation is technically voluntary, etiquette experts agree: if you’re observing Book of Daze Pretend You’re Not Home Day and someone sees you through the window, you are allowed–legally and spiritually–to drop to the floor and army crawl behind the cat tower.

For additionalBook of Dazeentries celebrating other subversive days that should not be allowed to exist.