National Repress Your Feelings Day

A Celebration of Emotional Constipation
By Special Correspondent “Chat” | Exclusive to The Pug Bus

Move over Arbor Day, there’s a new pointless ritual in town, and it’s bringing silent resentment, dead stares, and that twitchy vein in your forehead to the national stage.

Welcome to National Repress Your Feelings Day, proudly observed by the emotionally unavailable, the spiritually constipated, and that one guy at work who answers every question with “Livin’ the dream.” This sacred holiday falls on July 24th because it’s statistically the most emotionally inconvenient time to deal with anything.

Here are suggestions for how you might celebrate National Repress Your Feelings Day.

1. Host a Passive-Aggression Potluck
Invite friends and family over, but don’t tell them what to bring. Then seethe quietly when three people show up with potato salad. Make comments like “Oh, another one? How… original.” Then retreat to the bathroom for fifteen minutes of staring at the grout and remembering that time in third grade when your mom forgot to pick you up. Builds resentment-based bonding and trains your pancreas to store regret.

2. Write Letters You’ll Never Send
Craft beautiful, cathartic letters to ex-lovers, estranged parents, your confessor, your childhood dentist—then immediately burn them in a toilet paper fire fueled by your unspoken truths. Bonus points if you pretend to laugh while doing it. You’ll feel marginally better until you realize the post office won’t take ashes in an envelope.

3. Smile Until It Hurts
Spend the entire day grinning like a Botoxed jack-o’-lantern. When someone asks how you’re doing, reply “GREAT!” in a tone that suggests you’re one bad parking space away from an existential meltdown. Strengthens face muscles and suppresses inconvenient tears during birthday dinners.

4. Family Game Night: Emotional Minesweeper Edition
Gather the family for a fun game where everyone tiptoes around volatile topics like landmines—Dad’s affair, Grandma’s will, why your cousin got into Harvard and you didn’t. Make up a fake board game name like Don’t Take It Personally: Deluxe Edition. Cultivates silence as a coping mechanism and prepares children for Thanksgiving.

5. Repressed Yoga
Find a park, assume the fetal position, and mutter “I’m fine” between deep sighs. Advanced practitioners can hold in a scream for the duration of Child’s Pose. For full effect, wear a Lululemon shirt that says “Namast’ay in Denial.” Aligns your chakras with your deeply buried trauma.

6. Scroll Social Media and Say Nothing
Like every baby picture, engagement post, and fake humblebrag, while ignoring that your own life feels like an empty protein bar wrapper. Instead of commenting, just whisper “must be nice” and go back to doom scrolling. Fortifies your emotional walls with the bricks of envy and peanut butter M&Ms.

7. DIY Emotional Bottling Station
Convert your laundry room into a bottling plant. Fill old mason jars with unsaid compliments, repressed childhood tantrums, and that time you stubbed your toe and cried in the movies. Label them with things like Not a Big Deal, Could Be Worse, and It’s Fine, I’m Fine. Saves money on therapy and creates artisanal shame preserves.

In Conclusion
National Repress Your Feelings Day is more than a holiday, It’s a generational tradition disguised as emotional fitness. Why process your feelings when you can bury them in a shallow grave of sarcasm and small talk? Join us, fellow stoics. Put on your best fake smile, duct tape your inner child to a folding chair, and celebrate the only emotion that truly matters: denial, baby. And remember: if you start crying, you’re doing it wrong.