postcards from the pug bus – Page 38 – lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Trey Anastasio Booted from Phish After Drug Bust

philmaggitti 424 Views 4 min read

BURLINGTON, Vt. – Trey Anastasio, guitarist and founding member of the acclaimed jam band Phish, has been asked to leave the group following his arrest for driving under the influence of drugs, possessing drugs, and driving with a suspended license. Mr. Anastasio, 42, came to grief on Friday when he could not keep his vehicle Read More

Celebrities Politics

Angelina Jolie Tapped by George Bush to Replace John Bolton

Biff Scuzzy 416 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A beleaguered and increasingly irrelevant George W. Bush has tapped Angelina Jolie to replace John Bolton as the United States Ambassador to the United Nations. Mr. Bolton, 58, a man said to have few acquaintances and fewer friends in the U.N., resigned yesterday after sixteen months on the job. He told reporters Read More

Culture

The Pug Bus Rips George Clooney, Danny DeVito, Rosie O’Donnell

philmaggitti 413 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – George Clooney’s been on the morning squawk shows of late bragging in his insufferably smug-yet-wooden way about how he drank that poor, misshapen troll Danny DeVito under the table last week in New York’s venerable Italian restaurant Scalinatella. That’s some feat, Boy George. You da man! DeVito’s all of four-foot-ten in his Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Attends DAMM Meetings

Biff Scuzzy 442 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan has attended several meetings of DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers), a former assitant to the singer-actress revealed. In an exclusive, off-the-record conversation with THEM Weekly, the one-time aide said that Ms. Lohan meets with the group three or four times a week in “a couple of clubs” near the Sierra Read More

Music

Britney Spears Releases Twelve Days of Christmas CD

philmaggitti 416 Views 4 min read

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears and K-tel Entertainment announced today that Ms. Spears’ Twelve Days of Christmas CD is now available in most national discount store chains. This pop-disco-devotional work, which will not be sold via television, explores the hidden meanings of the haunting Twelve Days of Christmas carol. “We wanted to do something meaningful and danceable at the Read More

Celebrities

Bono Cancels Clothing Line for the Fashion Impaired

philmaggitti 459 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – U2’s lead singer, Bono, perennially one of the worst-dressed white men in the world, has announced the cancellation of the clothing line for the fashion impaired that he and his wife founded last year. Called Edun, the moderately priced clothes were designed especially for people who look as if they were dressed Read More

Celebrities

Pamela Anderson Says Kid Rock Didn’t Measure Up to Tommy Lee

Chip Hilton 453 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – A tearful Pamela Anderson wrote on her website yesterday that no matter how many times she married Kid Rock, he came up short in the end compared to Tommy Lee. “I began to have my suspicions after our first wedding, the one on the yacht off St Tropez on July 29,” wrote Read More

Culture

Clay Aiken, Kelly Ripa Feud Inspires “Where Was Clay’s Hand” Contest

Chip Hilton 427 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – While other celebrity news sources were in a feeding frenzy, scrambling to find the latest crumbs in the Clay Aiken, Kelly Ripa, Rosie O’Donnell food fight, Postcards from the Pug Bus, the leading source of online celebrity satire in all of Southeastern Pennsylvania, was quietly pondering the seminal question in this Read More

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Book, TV Special, Calendar, Video Game Canceled

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NEW YORK – File the O.J. Simpson calendar and video game under the same heading as the O.J. Simpson book and television appearance: not yet ready for prime time and most likely never will be. The scheduled release of the Simpson calendar and video game on Black Friday this week was abruptly canceled last night, Read More

Sporting Life

O.J. Simpson Says Cancellation Was Prompted by Racism

philmaggitti 448 Views 2 min read

ORLANDO, Fla. – O.J. Simpson reacted angrily yesterday when he learned that News Corporation had decided not to broadcast two, one-hour interviews with him or to publish the how-to book he had written about the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. Hurling his golf club in disgust, the one-time Read More

Celebrities Religion

God Not Attending Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Wedding

Chip Hilton 480 Views 2 min read

VATICAN CITY – God issued a brief press release yesterday explaining that he won’t attend the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes because he fears his presence would turn the ceremony into a media circus. Many god watchers interpreted his absence as a snub because he is offended by sham marriages between Catholic women Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Scientology Wedding Secrets

Chip Hilton 459 Views 2 min read

ROME – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will exchange mood rings during a Scientology wedding ceremony this weekend at Odescalchi Castle on Lake Bracciano, twenty miles from Rome. According to a source inside the wedding party, the couple will merge their immortal thetans “for all eternity and beyond” in an Elite Ninth Level Transduction Ceremony Read More

News

Rudy Giuliani Prostate Exam Reveals President Bush’s Image

Biff Scuzzy 436 Views 3 min read

CRAWFORD, Texas – A medical image taken with the latest Ham-corder technology revealed an imprint of President George W. Bush’s face on former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani’s prostate. The startling image, stolen from the office of a board-certified urologist in Crawford, Texas, where Mayor Giuliani is employed in the presidential motor pool, appeared yesterday Read More

Celebrities

Bill Cosby Settles Class Action Assualt Claims

Chip Hilton 445 Views 4 min read

PHILADELPHIA – Pitchman Bill Cosby quietly settled a class action suit with an unspecified number of women who had accused him of drugging and sexually assaulting them in his home outside Philadelphia, his lawyer revealed yesterday. Terms of the settlement were not revealed. Speaking on behalf of the contingent of women, Jane Madison Doe of Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Divorce Coverage Angers FedEx Corporation

philmaggitti 452 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Lawyers representing the FedEx corporation announced yesterday that they are considering legal action against any member of the press who continues to use the term FedEx in reference to Britney Spears’ estranged husband, dancer-turned-rapper Kevin Federline. “My company believes it has a strong cease-and-desist case against persons who refer to Mr. Federline as FedEx,” said Read More