postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
News

Jeremy Piven Is Local Bank Teller’s Inspiration

philmaggitti 444 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Jeremy Piven, who has played sidekicks and eccentrics in more than three dozen films during the last twenty years, is the inspiration of Richard Dean, 23, a teller at First National Bank of West Chester. When he was interviewed for the current edition of the bank’s monthly newsletter, First National News, Mr. Read More

Celebrities

Jennifer Aniston Still Believes Brad Pitt Is Gay

Chip Hilton 405 Views 4 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Jennifer Aniston, recently chosen by Entertainment Tonight viewers as the star who best represents American values, held a brief press conference yesterday to thank her supporters “for this meaningful honor.” Ms. Aniston finished ahead of Reese Witherspoon, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, Clay Aiken, George Clooney, Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, and Brad Read More

Celebrities

Paris Hilton Stalker Has Hollywood’s Support

philmaggitti 447 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – The Paris Hilton stalker who turned up at her father’s office carrying a knife last week has become an overnight cause celebre in Hollywood. The well-dressed, soft-spoken young man, described by one supporter as “seriously hot,” talked his way into Mr. Hilton’s office after telling the receptionist he was Ms. Hilton’s fiancé. Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Supports Restricted Licenses for Teens

philmaggitti 403 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears has thrown her weight behind a national initiative to restrict driving privileges for sixteen-year-olds. The once-and-future mother announced yesterday that she is “like totally in favor of” laws that restrict sixteen-year-old drivers from carrying passengers, driving while eating a sandwich, and driving while having sex, including oral sex, which many teenagers Read More

Music

Johnny Depp Gets Keith Richards for Monkey Role in Next Pirates

Chip Hilton 416 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Johnny Depp realized a longtime dream when Keith Richards agreed to play Depp’s monkey in the third installment of Pirates of the Caribbean. Mr. Depp, who used Mr. Richards’ trademark mincing gait and effeminate mannerisms as the “rhythm track” for his portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow in the original Pirates, had been considering Richards Read More

Politics

Guantanamo Ruling on bin Laden’s Driver a Blow to Bush

philmaggitti 417 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Salim Ahmed Hamdan, the short and slight Yemeni who was once Osama bin Laden’s driver, must receive a trial with new, congressionally approved procedures. Before the court’s ruling, President George W. Bush wanted to try Mr. Hamdan in three feet of frog-infested water because, Read More

Celebrities

Feed Lindsay Lohan Campaign Gaining Weight

Chip Hilton 455 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – The Feed Lindsay Lohan campaign gathered critical mass today, Lohan’s nineteenth birthday, with the addition of the United Nations, the Hunger Project, and Carl’s Jr. fast food chain to the list of international organizations dedicating their resources to preventing Lohan from starving herself to death. “We cannot allow this talented young actress, who Read More

Celebrities

Pamela Anderson Strips for Twin Causes

philmaggitti 454 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Actress Pamela Anderson, who is thirty-nine today, admitted she was promoting more than one cause when she stripped in the window of designer Stella McCartney’s Mayfair boutique in support of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal’s campaign against the use of fur in fashion. “Of course I was there to help PETA Read More

News

Google Checkout Is Based on Its Own Currency

philmaggitti 466 Views 2 min read

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – While e-commerce analysts describe what is expected to be a war for the minds and wallets of Internet shoppers between Google Checkout and PayPal, the most important feature of Google Checkout has gone virtually unremarked. Checkout is based on a new currency issued by Google: the Googlerand. “The days of geophysical Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Explains Why She Posed Naked

Chip Hilton 487 Views 1 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears issued a brief press release yesterday explaining her decision to appear naked in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar. According to Ms. Spears, her choice was “the next logical step” in her campaign “to keep it real for my fans.” The first step in that campaign, Ms. Spears’ decision to do Read More

Celebrities

Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban Honeymoon Off to Solid Start

Chip Hilton 403 Views 4 min read

SYDNEY – Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban began their honeymoon yesterday, accompanied by several accountants, lawyers, financial advisors, and a “mutually acceptable” arbitrator. Some rumors had the honeymoon party bound for Fiji, while other sources said the group was headed for Bora Bora instead, but by all accounts the newlyweds were eager to start their Read More

Culture

JonBenet Ramsey Death a Suicide, Said Late Mother

Biff Scuzzy 478 Views 3 min read

MARIETTA, Ga. – The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet’s alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had mailed the letter to her Read More

Religion

Gay Bishops Won’t Support Openly Episcopalian Clergy

philmaggitti 430 Views 2 min read

COLUMBUS, Ohio – The leadership of the American Association of Gay and Lesbian Bishops (AAGLB) resorted to eleventh-hour lobbying in an attempt to save its membership in the International Synod of Gay Clergy (ISGC). During a marathon session last night, AAGLB whips persuaded the rank and file of both the top and bottom houses of Read More