postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Celebrities

Brad Pitt Hospitalized with Jennifer Aniston Symptoms

Chip Hilton 472 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Three days after Jennifer Aniston had collapsed on the set of The Breakup in Chicago, a bloated and barely recognizable Brad Pitt was admitted to an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital with symptoms identical to those troubling his estranged wife: nausea, double vision, gas, and headaches. As news of Pitt’s arrival in hospital Monday Read More

Celebrities

Johnny Depp Cited at Willy Wonka Premier

Chip Hilton 437 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp was cited for “gross negligence and insensitivity” by the International Fraternity of Fashion Monitors (IFFM) as he was leaving Grauman’s Chinese Theater Sunday night following the premier of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Even though members of Grauman’s security staff, who had been alerted to the IFFM’s presence, grabbed Depp and Read More

News

FDA Viagra Blindness Warning Too Late

philmaggitti 476 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Yesterday the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced that the popular erectile dysfunction drugs Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra should carry warnings on their labels advising users that the drugs may cause blindness. Unfortunately the warning came too late to save Gerald DeHaven from setting fire to his retirement apartment. DeHaven, 72, Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Spurs Brad Pitt Rumors

Chip Hilton 411 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Angelina Jolie’s decision to adopt an Ethiopian baby has sparked rumors that her current leading man, Brad Pitt, is sterile. “Mr. Smith Shooting Blanks” laughed a headline in today’s Sun, London’s tabloid conscience. “This Stud’s a Dud,” jeered the rival Mirror. Both journals reported that Pitt and Jolie had tried unsuccessfully “for months” to have Read More

Music

Lil’ Kim Gets Advice from Martha Stewart

Biff Scuzzy 446 Views 3 min read

KATONAH, N.Y. – Ex-con Martha Stewart sent rapper and future con Lil’ Kim an e-mail “just to let my home girl know that gettin’ banged up ain’t the end of the world, see what I’m sayin’?” Stewart, 63, sent the e-mail to Lil’ Kim, 30, after the Grammy-award winner, whose real name is Kimberly Jones, Read More

Music

Bono Reunited with His Hat

Chip Hilton 483 Views 2 min read

(UPDATE) – A joyous Bono declared that “justice had prevailed” when he learned that a circuit civil court judge in Dublin had ruled that Bono’s one-time personal fashion consultant had to return various articles of clothing and photographs wrongfully obtained from the fashion-impaired political activist. The disputed items in the historic case were a Stetson Read More

Music

U2 Wins Lawsuit Over Bono Hat

philmaggitti 454 Views 4 min read

DUBLIN – Bono won a landmark legal decision yesterday when a circuit civil court judge in Dublin ruled that Bono’s one-time personal fashion consultant had to return various articles of clothing and photographs to the diminutive, fashion-impaired political activist. At issue in the historic case were a Stetson hat adorned with numerous buttons and trinkets, Read More

Music

Live 8 Artists Profit from Surge in Downloading

Chip Hilton 411 Views 3 min read

LONDON – The Live 8 concert held on Saturday to raise awareness of the poverty problem in Africa has spurred an outbreak of activity on Internet file-sharing sites. Music Underground PLC, a web-based fanzine that tracks “non-sanctioned downloading activity” in the UK, reports that artists such as Pink Floyd, The Who, and Annie Lennox enjoyed surges Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Rips Brooke Shields in Birthday Interview

Chip Hilton 511 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Scientologist Tom Cruise revealed yesterday that he is “much older” than the forty three years he has spent in his present body. Indeed, said Cruise during a half-hour conference call with selected reporters from his fan clubs’ newsletters, he is “old beyond reckoning.” What’s more, his current life is “probably one of the Read More

Celebrities

Being Bobby Brown Hits Home

Chip Hilton 480 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – “Being Bobby Brown Houston,” which premiers tonight on the Bravo channel, is a bold, unsparing attempt to deconstruct the myth of celebrity; and judging from the back-to-back episodes, sandwiched proudly like a pair of silicon-augmented breasts between 10:00 and 11:00 this evening, the effort is a resounding, cup-runneth-over success. Indeed, if Read More

Music

Starbucks to Release Rare Dylan Flavor

philmaggitti 423 Views 2 min read

SEATTLE – Starbucks announced yesterday that it will release a new coffee flavor, Gaslight, on August 30. Named after the cafe where Bob Dylan was a regular more than forty years ago, Gaslight is a young but gifted brew made from a selection of the highest quality Arabica beans grown on a huge estate in Read More

Religion

Pope John Paul II on Fast Track for Sainthood

Biff Scuzzy 484 Views 4 min read

ROME – Catholics campaigning to have the late Pope John Paul II declared a saint in record time should welcome two reports of miracles alleged to have occurred at the pontiff’s tomb. A woman from Turin who couldn’t find her car keys took the train to Rome to view the pope’s tomb yesterday. While she Read More

Religion

Court Division on Ten Commandments Seen as Good

philmaggitti 424 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Supreme Court decision regarding the placement of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms and public buildings is expected to give a boost to sales of the boxed-set, leather-bound collectors’ edition of the Ten Commandments, which will hit stores early next week. This collectors’ edition ships complete with an illustrated, twenty-six-page, large-print booklet Read More

Celebrities

Paula Abdul Joins Live 8 Clean Nail Crusade

Chip Hilton 423 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – American Idol judge Paula Abdul has agreed to co-host the Live 8 broadcast from Philadelphia this weekend. Although Abdul had originally declined to participate in Live 8 because of “a pre-existing vacation commitment,” the former dancer decided to get involved when she learned that nail salons in Africa are not governed by Read More

Religion

Ten Commandments Decision On Record

Biff Scuzzy 478 Views 3 min read

OPP, Alabama – A boxed-set, leather-bound collectors edition of the Ten Commandments, complete with an illustrated, twenty-six-page, large-print booklet containing an accurate facsimile of God’s original outline and recording notes, will hit record stores early next week. The spoken word CD, which also contains divinely inspired B-sides and studio outtakes, is being released by Almighty Read More