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People Magazine Tells Lance Bass He’s Gay

| 19 years Author Image philmaggitti 527 Views 2 min read

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Most articles, books, movies, TV shows, and foreplay are twice as long as they need to be. Therefore, Postcards from the Pug Bus is devoted to promoting flash fiction. If you ask ten different people what flash fiction is, you'll get twelve different answers. At the Pug Bus all of our flash-fiction pieces are 50 words: full stop. Anything longer is longer than it needs to be. Read on

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HOLLYWOOD – “He’s Gay,” screams the cover line across the chest of a purple-shirted Lance Bass on this week’s People magazine. The declaration ends months of speculation concerning the former ‘N Sync star’s relationship with Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl.

“We had to do it,” said People‘s editor Jon Benner. “We felt we owed it to Lance and his fans to resolve this issue so he could put it behind him and get on with his life.”

The gay and lesbian communities in New York and Los Angeles had considered Mr. Bass’ sexuality an open secret for years, but the 27-year-old singer maintained he was “as straight as the next guy” and that he and Mr. Lehmkuhl were “just good friends.” Mr. Bass stuck to his story even after he had been spotted with Mr. Lehmkuhl in Provincetown, Massachusetts, during the all-gay Fourth of July Weekend this year. That’s when People decided to inform Mr. Bass “for his own sake” that he is gay.

“That level of denial isn’t healthy,” said Mr. Benner. “We just couldn’t keep silent after we had seen pictures of Lance wearing that silly baseball-cap disguise. He wasn’t fooling anybody but himself.”

For his part, Mr. Bass said he is “not ashamed” to discover he is gay.

“Actually,” he said, crossing his legs, “I’m more liberated and happy than I’ve been in my whole life. Unless you’ve tongue kissed another person of the same sex, darling, you can’t imagine how good it feels not to feel guilty about it. I wish People had told me this a long time ago.”

Being gay might have come as a surprise to Mr. Bass, but to his former bandmate Joey Fatone, with whom Mr. Bass is developing a sitcom pilot based around The Odd Couple, the cat had been out of the closet for some time.

“Like tell me something I don’t know,” laughed Mr. Fatone. “Why d’ya think Lancie always had his own room when we were on the road?”

As for Mr. Lehmkuhl, he is relieved that he no longer has to dress as a woman when he and Mr. Bass have sex.

“I dig being the catcher in our relationship,” said Mr. Lehmkuhl, “but I didn’t dig having to wear a bra and panties. I might be a lot of things, but cross-dresser isn’t one of them.”

In related news, British prime minister, Tony Blair, has invoked a little-known provision of the Magna Carta to place George Michael under an 8:00 p.m. to 8:00 a.m. curfew.    

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The Pug Bus Blog

Wherein our fearless editor in briefs, who turned eighty-two this year, holds forth and cracks wise about his disdain for soccer moms, feminists of both sexes, the evil that is Mick Jagger, the sorry-ass WNBA, the trans tyranny, the pronoun police, climate scolds, and other blots on the fucking landscape. Read on

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