Friday, April 26, 2024
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Bush Declares Victory Over Saddam Hussein’s Hunger Strike

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a visit to church yesterday, President Bush declared victory over Saddam Hussein’s seventeen-day hunger strike. The determined-looking president said that Mr. Hussein had been made to realize “he is no longer a ruthless, bloodthirsty dictator who can withhold food from himself or his people on a whim.

“Whether Saddam likes it or not, he’s living in a full-fledged democracy now,” said Mr. Bush with a swagger that has been all too conspicuous by its absence here of late. “He has to understand that folks living in a democracy can’t be allowed to have total control over their bodies.”

Although Mr. Bush said he hadn’t been briefed on the details of Operation Force Feed, he did say it was “an unqualified success” and that as a result of having a feeding tube inserted into his arm, Mr. Hussein would be able to continue with his trial. Mr. Bush also said he was prepared to suspend the licenses of any doctors who attempted to remove the feeding tube from Mr. Hussein’s arm.

Before the U.S. military had put a swift, decisive end to Mr. Hussein’s hunger strike, his health had become unstable, said an official at the U.S.-run prison where the former Iraqi ruler and his seven co-defendants are held.

“This is the kind of good news from Iraq that the press doesn’t report,” said the official, who did not want to be identified by name. “Instead of fixating on temporary setbacks like civilian deaths, the press ought to be reporting the thousand points of progress like this one, progress that illustrates how close the Iraqi people are to enjoying all the constraints of democracy that Americans now enjoy.”

In other news, the Anti-Bullying Alliance has targeted the bully pulpit in a new campaign to reduce the impact of bullying on our society.    

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