horoscopes

Cancer (6/21 – 7/22): Your nurturing instinct is off the charts today. You will adopt a stray idea, feed it too much attention, and watch… Read More

The only stars we consult are washed-up former child actors. Cancer (June 21–July 22) Someone will call you “emotionally intense.” That’s code for “please stop… Read More

A Reverse Quantum Horoscope, wherein your future is determined by the mistakes made by dead people with whom you share a sign. Leo (7/23 –… Read More

My third eye’s twitching and the cosmos just did a spit-take. ♋ Cancer (June 21–July 22): You’ve built an emotional fortress out of oat milk… Read More

Many people know that certain gemstones, power phrases, and colors are associated with signs of the zodiac. Only the true stargazer understands, however, the relationships… Read More

Cancer (6/22 – 7/22): You will discover a small, talking mole on your left thigh that claims to be the reincarnated soul of Sigmund Freud.… Read More

Cancer (06/21 – 07/22): The sideways-walking, homebody crab is known for its nurturing touch and strong emotional ties. Snuggies, Pepperidge Farm cookies, lemonade, your favorite… Read More