horoscopes

My third eye’s twitching and the cosmos just did a spit-take. ♋ Cancer (June 21–July 22): You’ve built an emotional fortress out of oat milk… Read More

Many people know that certain gemstones, power phrases, and colors are associated with signs of the zodiac. Only the true stargazer understands, however, the relationships… Read More

Cancer (6/22 – 7/22): You will discover a small, talking mole on your left thigh that claims to be the reincarnated soul of Sigmund Freud.… Read More

Cancer (06/21 – 07/22): The sideways-walking, homebody crab is known for its nurturing touch and strong emotional ties. Snuggies, Pepperidge Farm cookies, lemonade, your favorite… Read More

♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19) – The universe is encouraging you to start a project you will absolutely never finish. Maybe build a… Read More

Aries (3/21 ‑ 4/19): A loud, twangy voice awakens you from a nightmare in which you are trapped in a 22-Plex Cinema whose only feature… Read More

Wholly inaccurate and totally unnecessary horoscopes rooted in superpowers. ♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Unstoppable Momentum Once you start, nothing (not even… Read More