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Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

image of a middle-age waitress with red hair carrying a tray full of food

"Which of youse had the French onion soup?"

Waitress

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 11 months

“Careful, Hon, that plate’s hot,” the waitress said. “Not as hot as I am,” he snickered. His wife rolled her eyes. “What, you don’t think… Read More

image of mobster pointing a gun

"The present is about to become the past tense."

Talking in the Present Tense

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 11 months

A concussion leaves Guido unable to speak in the past tense. One day a sinister-looking man in a pizzeria hears him say, “I get the stromboli… Read More

The Algorithms of Love

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 12 months

Forget deep conversations, long walks on the beach, and romantic dinners—your true love can be determined by a pizza algorithm. Prefer pineapple? You’re a match… Read More

image of a marijuana leaf with eyes and a mouth, smoking a joint

"It's OK as long as you don't inhale."

Joint Venture

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 1 year

My married, midnight visitor arrived with a bottle of vodka and the scratch-and-sniff issue of Hustler. “Here, scratch and tell me if that’s what it… Read More

Cinderella and Prince Charming dancing

"Quit stepping on my fucking toe, I don't have my slipper on that foot."

Cinderella Reimagined

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 1 year

As Cinderella twirls at the ball, the clock strikes midnight. She hurries away, leaving behind her glass slipper. When the prince finds it, he discovers it’s… Read More

a street sign thats says, "Irony Alert"

"No coincidences allowed."

Irony, n

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 1 year

Buddy’s fondness for irony mutated into a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Dandruff shampoo turned him into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication made him… Read More

young man wearing headphones

"This man, who speaks broken English and says his name is Brian, is about to be made redundant."

Tech Support

philmaggitti 50-Word Stories, Dark Humor, flash fiction, Surrealism, Twist Ending 1 year

Frustrated by relentless buffering, Orion was determined to restore his stuttering Wi”‘Fi connection. He battled cryptic error messages, worthless troubleshooting guides, and an IT guru… Read More

Next →

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.