Your Haiku Horoscopes for July 5, 2025

3 weeks philmaggitti 41 Views 1 min read

♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your tears taste like brine.
Not from sadness, but the soup
You spilled on your lap.

♌ Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Mirror says, “You slay.”
But your cat remains unmoved.
Seek less fickle praise.

♍ Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You clean your inbox
Then weep when it refills fast.
Entropy wins, friend.

♎ Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You weigh two options.
Then make up a third, worse one.
Classic Libra move.

♏ Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You text your ex
To “check the astrology.”
Delete your birth chart.

♐ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Book a trip to Mars.
Pack one sock and a kazoo.
Elon Musk approves.

♑ Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You make a spreadsheet
To track your emotional
ROI. It’s bleak.

♒ Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
So you invent time.
Then forgot to patent it.
Uranus facepalms.

♓ Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Dream of a fish pope.
You soon crave absolution
And tartar sauce. Why?

♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You wake up swinging.
The toaster is not your foe.
Mars says, calm thy fists.

♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You crave soft cheeses
And emotional distance.
Indulge both today.

♊ Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Start twelve new things.
Forget what any are for.
Mercury shrugs. “Same.”