Three Second Rule Extended During Recession

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The federal three-second guideline, which warns anyone against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the remainder of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson.

“With so many Americans struggling to put food on the table, they don’t have the luxury of fussing about a little dust or maybe a cat hair or two on a hot dog,” said the spokesperson.

The new extension, which goes into effect at midnight Friday, is expected to save Americans millions of dollars annually. It will remain in effect until the recession is over.

The USDA is optimistic that extending the three-second rule
will help to mitigate the effects of the recession. If additional help is required, however, there are other steps that could be taken, such as suspending the guideline against eating anything the dog has licked more than three times, or replacing the USDA food pyramid with a trapezoid.

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