Tuesday, February 20, 2024
News

Three Second Rule Extended During Recession

an image

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The federal three-second guideline, which warns anyone against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the remainder of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson.

“With so many Americans struggling to put food on the table, they don’t have the luxury of fussing about a little dust or maybe a cat hair or two on a hot dog,” said the spokesperson.

The new extension, which goes into effect at midnight Friday, is expected to save Americans millions of dollars annually. It will remain in effect until the recession is over.

The USDA is optimistic that extending the three-second rule
will help to mitigate the effects of the recession. If additional help is required, however, there are other steps that could be taken, such as suspending the guideline against eating anything the dog has licked more than three times, or replacing the USDA food pyramid with a trapezoid.    

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

Verified by MonsterInsights