Cameron Diaz Accuses Karl Rove of Leaking Photos

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LOS ANGELES – Cameron Diaz is scheduled to testify in court today that John Rutter, the photographer who snapped S&M photos and video footage of Diaz and various naked men when she was nineteen, forged her signature on the release forms for those images then tried to extort $3.5 million from her and her breasts. Meanwhile, Diaz’ legal team will be preparing a separate case against Karl Rove, the top political operative and character assassin in the White House. Team Diaz believes Rove is responsible for the appearance of Diaz’ celebrated photos on the Internet this week.

“We have bullet-proof evidence that Mr. Rove leaked the name of the website where the photos of Ms. Diaz and the naked guys she had on a leash can be viewed,” said Diaz’ second assistant deputy attorney Richard Legalese. “We are also confident we can prove that the appearance of those photos will materially harm Ms. Diaz’ career—in addition to rendering the outcome of her request for an injunction against John Rutter a mute point. What good will it do her to prevent his selling those photos if they’re already available on the Internet?”

Diaz, 32, is currently seeking an injunction against Rutter, claiming she never signed a release form for the thirteen-year-old photos and/or video footage. She further claims that Rutter, who offered to sell the incriminating materials to Diaz for $3.5 million in the summer of 2003, tried to blackmail her after she had told him what he could do with the images.

Rutter, 42, claims that Diaz misinterpreted his motives. He was simply being “a nice guy” by giving Diaz first dibs at the “hardcore graphics,” which have since sparked a bidding frenzy from Hustler and other literary journals.

“At no time were there ever threats or ultimatums,” Rutter told the New York Daily News. “It was just lawyers talking with lawyers.”

Diaz believed the photos of her were safely under lock and key until she Googled herself over the weekend and found a link to them on a pornographic website, right above a link to a video of Courtney Love entertaining the members of Nirvana and a German Shepherd taken on the band’s bus. While Diaz and her squadron of attorneys were attempting to find out how the website had obtained her images, Legalese came across an interview between Rove and Mary Hart of Entertainment Tonight. During the interview Rove defended the use of S&M torture techniques at the notorious Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.

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“PFC Lyndee English, who was photographed with a naked guy on a leash at Abu Ghraib, wasn’t doing anything out of line,” said Rove. “If she had been a Hollywood actress like that Cameron Diaz bimbo, magazines would be in a feeding frenzy to get their hands on the photos, which can be found on the Internet by anyone who looks hard enough.”

Upon hearing that Diaz was planning legal action against Rove for leaking the existence of her photos on the Net, President Bush immediately sprang to Rove’s defense.

“At no time during the Entertainment Tonight interview did Mr. Rove mention that Diaz woman’s website by name,” said the president. “Anyone who says otherwise is disassembling. That means lying or not telling the truth.

“Mr. Rove simply said there was a website with photos of that Diaz woman and some naked folks on a leash. I’ve looked at those photos, and they would put people in mind of PFC English at Abu Ghraib—except that Diaz woman has a nicer rack.”

The Hollywood reaction to Diaz’ suit has been mixed.

Paris Hilton, whose breasts—and genitalia for that matter—are no strangers to public scrutiny, said Diaz “obviously doesn’t understand the value of publicity. Showing a little T&A never hurt anybody’s next movie. She must have another agenda in wanting to hide those shots.”

Lindsay Lohan believes she knows what that agenda is.

“I think the early photos will prove that Cameron’s had some [teat] work done,” said Lohan.

In other news, singer Rob Thomas has denied rumors that he and Tom Cruise had a one-off during the spring. “That’s like so untrue,” said Thomas, “but I’ll tell you what, I wouldn’t mind getting horizontal with Brad Pitt once he’s got that meningitis thing cleared up.”    

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