Chip Hilton, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 17 of 27

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Has Husband Kevin Federline Microchipped

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

MALIBU — Pop culture’s most unpredictable couple has entered the age of pet-tracking technology. Sources close to the sunny seaside residence report that one enterprising… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Will Britney Spears’ Press Conference Include K-Fed?

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears will hold a press conference at the Los Angeles Convention Center today. Barring the capture of Osama bin Laden, the… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Keith Richards and Kaavya Viswanathan Will File Lawsuits

Chip Hilton 20 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards and Harvard sophomore Kaavya Viswanathan will turn to the courts to seek redress for their current… Read More

President Bush Says America Dreamz Sends the Wrong Message

Chip Hilton 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a private White House screening of American Dreamz, President George W. Bush told reporters that the comedy, which stars Dennis Quaid as… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Julia Roberts Hit with Restraining Order Following Broadway Debut

Chip Hilton 20 years

NEW YORK – Julia Roberts has been ordered by a New York judge to stay at least three hundred feet from the Bernard B. Jacobs… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie Makes Brad Pitt Her Boy

Chip Hilton 20 years

NAMIBIA – Unable to convince Angelina Jolie to become his wife, Brad Pitt has settled for becoming her boy instead. Mr. Pitt’s transformation from leading… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Blames Lack of Gravity for Baby’s Fall

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

MALIBU – Britney Spears told child welfare agents that her son’s fall on April 1 was caused by a temporary lack of gravity, which is… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Jennifer Aniston Is Friends with Money

Chip Hilton 20 years

CHICAGO – Art imitates Jennifer Aniston for the erstwhile Friends star in her latest vehicle, Friends with Money. The movie, which played to a packed house at Sundance… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.