Chip Hilton, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 18 of 27

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Wedding Flashback 1: In the Beginning

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

BERLIN – Scientologist Tom Cruise flew to Germany a few days ago to announce that he and his pregnant fiancee, Katie Holmes, would be married… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

George Clooney Accused of Harassing Gawker Website

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 20 years

NEW YORK – Batman star George Clooney has been accused of making hundreds of “childish and annoying phone calls” to the office of Gawker.com, the website that… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Naomi Campbell Gets Reality Show Sponsored by BlackBerry

Chip Hilton 20 years

NEW YORK – Naomi Campbell says it was all a misunderstanding. The four-stitch head wound suffered yesterday by her housekeeper, Ana Scolavino, occurred during secret… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Says Sculpture Makes Her Butt Look Big

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

MALIBU – For the second time today Britney Spears has taken to her website to denounce sculptor Daniel Edwards, this time for making her butt… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie Fail to Impress Local Residents

Chip Hilton 20 years

CERNOBBIO, Italy – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie did not show up in this tiny northern Italian village to get married over the weekend; but… Read More

Celebrity Shockers food

Nicole Richie Campaigns for Food Warning Labels

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, food 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Nicole Richie, a celebrity not particularly known for her social conscience,or her interest in food, has asked California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to become… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Brad Pitt’s Divorce Guide Postponed

Chip Hilton 20 years

NEW YORK – Brad Pitt, who believes that the best way for men on the verge of divorce to maintain their privacy is by moving… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Jessica Alba Demands Playboy Insert Nude Photos

Chip Hilton Paris Hilton, trump 20 years

LOS ANGELES – Film star Jessica Alba demanded that Playboy magazine pull its March issue and insert nude photos of her or else face a lawsuit. The… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.