Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Spay Britney Spears Campaign Picks Up Endorsements

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WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The campaign to spay Britney Spears, launched yesterday by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website, has gained three important endorsements. According to Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, the American Kennel Club (AKC), the Mensa Society, and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) have expressed their support for this humanitarian campaign.

“Even with the rash of celebrity adoptions, there are still too many children in need of good homes,” said AKC president, Ed Wilberforce. “We don’t need backyard breeders adding to that number.”

The Mensa Society, which as a matter of course opposes all matings among “humanoids” (non-Mensa persons), said that Ms. Spears should be satisifed with producing one or two slam-dunk candidates for Darwin awards.

“Her village doesn’t need any more idiots,” said Mensa president, Skip Dangerfield.

For its part the ACLU declared, “A woman’s right to bear children does not include the right to feed them ice cream to help them get to sleep at night.”

“Spaying is an entirely safe procedure,” added Mr. Maggitti. “Women who have been spayed are still affectionate, and they can lead happy, productive lives. What’s more, they don’t drive people crazy by howling and sticking their butts in the air when they’re in season, and they don’t put on weight if they exercise properly and watch their diets.”

As promised yesterday, Postcards from the Pug Bus has established a special e-mail address, [email protected], to which people can send messages urging Ms. Spears to get spayed.    

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