Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Paul McCartney Mourns Loss of Handicapped Parking Sticker

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LONDON – Friends of ex-Beatle Paul McCartney say he is disconsolate about the loss of the handicapped parking sticker to which he had access while he was living with his estranged, one-legged wife, Heather Mills.

“It’s really all he talks about,” said Pink Floyd frontman David Gilmour. “That and the great sex they had. Apparently Heather can rotate her stump like a vibrator.”

In happier times Mr. McCartney could often be seen pulling into the handicapped space at his local supermarket, shopping centre, or pub with “the crip sticker,” as he called it, hanging from the rear view mirror of his Mini Cooper.

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“It was just a hoot for Paul,” said Robin Trower, former guitarist with Procul Harum. “He wasn’t keen to seek special treatment because of his status as a rock star, but he loved putting one over on people by using the handicapped parking sticker when he went out by himself. I think it reminded him of the pranks he and John Lennon pulled when they were young. Of course, whenever Paul went anywhere with Heather, she insisted they take the chauffeur or have somebody park their car for them.”

Friends say that although Mr. McCartney never ran errands for Ms. Mills without borrowing her handicapped parking sticker, he was careful not to abuse the privilege.

“Paul never took the last handicapped parking space,” laughed British retro-rocker Dave Edmunds, “unless it was raining or he was too stoned to walk very far. I don’t know what he’s going to do without that sticker. It’ll be easier for him to replace the great sex with a one-legged hooker than it will be to replace that sticker.”    

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