Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Spay Britney Spears Campaign Announced

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WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A campaign to spay Britney Spears has been launched by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website.

According to Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, “At the rate Ms. Spears is reproducing, she and her offspring will give birth to thousands of babies, who will more than likely wind up as wards of the state if their mothers don’t accidentally kill them first. In addition, the ones that do survive will have the potential to do irreparable damage to our nation’s gene pool. Obviously the only humane option is to stop Ms. Spears from reproducing after she whelps her second child.”

Mr. Maggitti said he was inspired to launch the Spay Britney campaign when he saw a photograph of Ms. Spears driving her Mini Cooper convertible with the top down and her eight-month-old son, Sean Preston, riding in the back slumped over in a car seat. Several child welfare advocates complained that the baby should have been facing backward instead of forward, but Mr. Maggitti said they missed the point.

“What sort of fool takes an eight-month-old out in an open car, period?” he asked. “Most states have laws against allowing dogs to ride in the backs of open vehicles. Obviously Ms. Spears doesn’t think we ought to extend the same caution to children.”

Persons interested in adding their voices to the Spay Britney campaign are encouraged to send messages of support to a special e-mail address that Postcards from the Pug Bus will post in tomorrow’s edition. The website will also sponsor a why-I-think-Britney-Spears-ought-to-be-spayed contest, the details of which will be announced shortly.    

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