Chip Hilton, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 16 of 27

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

President Bush Wants Ban on Same-Sex Cruises

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush told his weekly radio broadcast audience Saturday that he believes the constitution should be amended to ban same-sex-only… Read More

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt Baby Quiz Exclusive

Chip Hilton 20 years

SWAKOPMUND, Namibia – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may have squashed the feeding frenzy that had threatened to overwhelm them, but their strong-arm tactics have… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt Send Diplomatic Inquiry to President Bush

Chip Hilton 20 years

REPUBLIC OF BRANGELINA – Angelina Jolie, president of the newly formed African Republic of Brangelina, has instructed her ambassador to the United States, Brad Pitt,… Read More

Culture Politics

President Bush Lays Wreath to Honor Fashion’s Fallen Heroes

Chip Hilton 20 years

MIAMI – President George W. Bush paid a surprise visit to slain fashion designer Giovanni Versace’s house in Miami last night. Mr. Bush arrived shortly… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Spay Britney Spears Campaign Picks Up Endorsements

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The campaign to spay Britney Spears, launched yesterday by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website, has gained… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Spay Britney Spears Campaign Announced

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A campaign to spay Britney Spears has been launched by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website. According… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Answers Pregnancy Rumors on Letterman Show

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

NEW YORK – Britney Spears paid a surprise visit to yesterday’s taping of the “Late Show with David Letterman” in New York to deny rumors… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Backlash Ruins Mission Impossible 3 Debut

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – A Tom Cruise backlash appears to have queered the box office for Mr. Cruise’ latest film Mission Impossible 3, which failed to measure up… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.