News Archives - Page 31 of 34 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Clowns or Mimes?

Marjorie Finkelstein, 64, retired dental hygienist

318 Willow Street, Scranton, PA

Mimes. At least they have the decency to suffer in silence. A clown wants you to participate in his emotional problems while he honks a horn and falls down. I spent thirty-seven years looking into people's mouths. I have had enough forced entertainment.

Raymond Bickford, 51, commercial refrigeration technician

76 Chestnut Lane, Akron, OH

Clowns. You know where you stand with a clown. He has enormous shoes, a drinking problem, and a car full of accomplices. A mime pretends to be trapped in an invisible box and expects applause. My brother-in-law has been doing that at Thanksgiving for twenty years. Nobody pays him.

Sheila Lattimore, 47, assistant county tax assessor

142 Birch Road, Des Moines, IA

Mimes, provided they remain outdoors. I once hired a clown for my daughter's birthday party. He arrived forty minutes late, smelled like gasoline, and asked whether we had a ladder. The children still talk about it. My daughter is twenty-three.

A ruddy-faced, boisterously dressed, and physically expansive man dominates the center of the frame, speaking animatedly with wide-open hands. Opposite him stands a sharply-dressed, elegant, and slender man who is listening patiently with a subtle, knowing smirk. This image illustrates the need for a Self-defense Manual against overly verbose social counterparts.

Put a sock in it.

News

President Bush Spied on Internet Users

philmaggitti 21 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented step the White House released a classified report detailing the results of an eavesdropping campaign conducted in an Internet… Read More

News

President Bush to Replace Verizon Guy

philmaggitti 21 years

President George W. Bush and Verizon Wireless are expected to announce at a joint news conference today that the president will take the place of… Read More

Deranged Landmarks: A Satirical US Atlas features a map of the US with some strange landmarks scattered throughouy.

This landmark is your landmark.

News

Dallas Teacher Accuses Santa Claus of Planting News Stories

Biff Scuzzy 21 years

DALLAS – A music teacher in a Dallas suburb told a class of six- and seven-year-old students that a favorable news story about Santa Claus… Read More

News

King Kong Protest Planned by PETA

philmaggitti 21 years

VIRGINIA BEACH, Vir. – When King Kong opens at more than 3,500 theaters across the United States today, people attending many of those theaters will be greeted… Read More

News

President Bush to Withdraw Serial Comma

philmaggitti 21 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A high-level source in the White House, speaking on condition of anonymity, has revealed that President Bush will announce in a major… Read More

News

Does This Needle Make My Butt Look Big?

philmaggitti 21 years

CHICAGO, Ill. – A study conducted by the American Medical Association (AMA) suggests that grossly overweight women are more likely to skip treatment for conditions… Read More

A row of vintage typewriters faces a firing squad of sharpened pencils in a bright, white studio, illustrating the Grammar Prick’s war on the worst clichés in English.

The Grammar Prick convenes the firing squad for crimes against language. Justice prepares to proofread.

News

Tara Reid Still Celebrating Birthday

philmaggitti Paris Hilton 21 years

LOS ANGELES – Tara Reid, who turned thirty yesterday, is still toasting the occasion. Reid’s marathon birthday party, which began around sundown Monday, was in… Read More

News

Vincent Gallo Swimming Upstream with Sperm Offer

Chip Hilton 21 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Ignoring the historically poor performance records of sperm banks, indie film actor Vincent Gallo is offering to sell his sperm for… Read More