postcards from the pug bus

CARDIFF – Charlotte Church, Wales’ answer to Courtney Love, earned $27 million as a child prodigy singing operatic and classical tunes. Since getting her hands on that money when she turned eighteen last year, Church has spent roughly half of it on booze. The Voice of an Angel singer has been a fixture at clubs—a Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American Psychiatric Association (APA) announced today that Tom Cruise Syndrome—illustrated by a photo of Cruise dancing on Oprah Winfrey’s couch—will be added to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSMMD). This 943-page stroll through the back alleys, dead ends, and cul-de-sacs of the mind describes the various Read More

PARIS – Rumors about Oprah Winfrey’s shoplifting habits resurfaced after the talk show host and her posse had been turned away from a Hermes shop in Paris last week. Winfrey and company arrived at the Hermes store roughly fifteen minutes after its 6:30 p.m. closing. When Winfrey asked if she could nip in for a Read More

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush has added his voice to the growing chorus demanding an investigation into the whereabouts of actress Katie Holmes. Like an increasing number of Americans, President Bush has come to doubt that the actress—or actresses—who have been joined at the hip with Tom Cruise at movie premiers around the world Read More

LOS ANGELES – Leonardo DiCaprio was smacked upside the head by a bottle-wielding animal rights activist while leaving a party in the pre-dawn Hollywood hours yesterday. As DiCaprio, who was wearing a leopardskin codpiece at the time, was walking toward his car, a woman raced up behind him yelling, “Death to animal abusers.” When the Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A satirical “news” report about Britney Spears’ plan to move to Namibia that appeared on this website yesterday has been corroborated by China Daily, proving once again that fiction is sometimes no stranger than truth. According to the satirical report, which turned out to be true after all, Ms. Spears revealed her Read More

LOS ANGELES – Scientologist Tom Cruise has been playing the mad-brained bear of late. He scared the hell out of Oprah last month by going all spastic on her show—leaping onto her couch and using it for a trampoline, jumping to the floor, dropping to one knee, and copping an exaggerated muscle-boy pose, then hopping Read More