Sunday, April 28, 2024
Celebrities

Paris Hilton Snags Larry King Interview for $1.5 Million

an image

LOS ANGELES – Larry King was the surprise winner of the bidding war for the right to conduct Paris Hilton’s initial post-jail interview. The veteran talk show host and natural-supplements advocate will bank $1.5 million in return for devoting his entire show to the “new” Paris Hilton tonight.

“I’ve talked to Paris and, believe me, she has changed,” said Mr. King, who was reached by cell phone yesterday at a health food parade, where he was dressed as Mr. Garlique.

“People are going to be surprised by the kinds of questions she wants me to ask her.”

With heavyweights like ABC’s Barbara Walters and NBC’s Jane Pauley vying to land Ms. Hilton’s first interview, CNN’s Mr. King was given little chance to score; but when the Hilton family let it be known they were willing to pay as much as $1 million to the network that offered the first interview, both major networks turned haughty.

“I suddenly felt this was not up to my standard,” said Barbara Walters. “It felt sort of tawdry.”

Jane Pauley asked, “How can I do a forty-five-minute interview with someone who has a forty-five-word vocabulary?”

an image

Thinking they had insulted the networks by not offering enough money to grease the interview, Ms. Hilton’s parents upped the ante to $1.5 million. CNN and Mr. King leapt at the offer.

“Larry would have done the interview for a lot less,” revealed a source close to Larry King Live. “He’s got to shill a lot of Ginkgo Biloba to make one-point-five mill.”

According to the source, Mr. King has agreed to certain “structural parameters” regarding the interview. He is not permitted to ask any questions that require a knowledge of current events, history, geography, economics, or literature. Otherwise, he is free to choose from any of the twenty questions submitted by Ms. Hilton’s handlers.


In related news, Michael Moore, who had been scheduled to appear on Larry King Live this evening to promote his new documentary Sicko, told reporters he felt “like a poor person being denied medical care so that a rich person could have cosmetic surgery” when he learned he had been bumped in favor of Paris Hilton.    

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

Verified by MonsterInsights