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Candy, Little Girl

No lie. We've been at this shit for the better or the worse part of twenty-one years. Not many other satire sites can make that brag, humbly or otherwise. Sample an offering from our drop-dead, satisfaction-guaranteed menu, located beneath the box of chocolates below, and win a free puppy.

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Self-Satisfaction Guaranteed

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Who celebrates
National Cupcake
Day? Or National
Registered Nurses
Day? National
Take Your Kid to
Work Day? Screw that and your kid, too. We celebrate the really fun daze that nobody else does.

patron saints for hire

How many saints can dance on the head of a pin? Damned if we know; but we do know that one (or more) of those dancing nancies has the cure for your hemorrhoids--or whatever the fuck else ails you. So tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you where to send your donation. Let us pray.

The Grammar Prick

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Meaner than a 250-pound, lesbian language arts teacher, the Grammar Prick will split your head if you dare to split an infinitive, not to mention confusing ironic and coincidental. Read on.

Music

Rolling Stones Announce Tour of Museums

| 20 years Author Image philmaggitti 471 Views 3 min read

Flash Fiction

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Most articles, books, movies, TV shows, and foreplay are twice as long as they need to be. Therefore, Postcards from the Pug Bus is devoted to promoting flash fiction. If you ask ten different people what flash fiction is, you'll get twelve different answers. At the Pug Bus all of our flash-fiction pieces are 50 words: full stop. Anything longer is longer than it needs to be. Read on

an image

NEW YORK – The Rolling Stones are expected to announce at a press conference tomorrow that guitarist Ron Wood’s paintings will hit the road again late this summer. The press conference, scheduled to begin at 12:30 p.m. at the Museum of Modern Art, has been the source of much speculation among the rock art press.

“It’s surprising that Ronnie’s paintings are going to tour again so quickly,” said Q magazine’s art critic Edgar Parker Bowles. “Usually he’s too involved in seminars, lectures, and rehab to be able to tour more than once every four or five years. I imagine the success of Bono’s line drawings of Pope John Paul II, which are currently on a monster world gig, has lit the competitive fire in Ronnie.”

Wood’s paintings last toured in 2003 when they grossed a record $15 million on a ninety-five-city trek that took them to museums, restaurants, boutiques, corporate board rooms, and selected financial establishments in twenty-seven countries. At the last stop of that record breaking tour, a two-show sellout at the Louvre in Paris, Wood hinted that he didn’t know how much longer he could go on exhibiting and talking about the same old paintings: Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock, Brian Jones at Monterey, Eric Clapton and George Harrison dueling over Patti Boyd.

“Sure, I could become a nostalgia act, touring every five years behind another remastered greatest hits compilation with the odd new painting tossed in,” said Wood, “but that would get old fast.”

The “old” question is one that stalks Wood with increasing tenacity these days. Fast approaching sixty—too fast some younger artists contend—Wood is well aware of the theory that rock art is a young man’s game. A struggling, hungry young man’s game.

“What’s that old geezer with his five mansions know about art in the streets?” sneered popular rap painter 29 Cent. “He’s been pimping reproductions of that lame old watercolor of Mick Jagger singing ‘Satisfaction’ since way before my fans were even born. He’s like so yesterday. It’s time the old fart painters like him and The Who and ‘Paula’ McCartney content themselves with looking after their money and babysitting the grandkids.”

Not surprisingly, the Stones firebrand realist Keith Richards considers that opinion “a load of bullocks.” According to Richards, “artists like Norman Rockwell and Andy Wyeth have proved that if you got something to say, say it, and age be damned. Young bucks aren’t the only ones who suffer, you know, and losing your chick isn’t half the bummer that losing your hair or losing control of your bladder is. So-called old farts like Ronnie can teach these youngsters a thing or two about pain.”

In related news, a source close to the Stones told Spin magazine that Wood’s Faces ‘n’ Places tour will begin this August at the newly renovated Copely Museum in Boston. A new collection of paintings by Wood—”some of the best stuff he’s done in years,” according to the source—is scheduled for a July release.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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The Pug Bus Blog

Wherein our fearless editor in briefs, who turned eighty-two this year, holds forth and cracks wise about his disdain for soccer moms, feminists of both sexes, the evil that is Mick Jagger, the sorry-ass WNBA, the trans tyranny, the pronoun police, climate scolds, and other blots on the fucking landscape. Read on

The Pug Bus Interview

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Presenting the questions that nobody else has the wit or the sack to ask. Featuring an interview with Barry, ex-President Obama's neglected white half.  Read on

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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

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© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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